


love's not time's fool

by celegant



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, the boys are so in love and just need to talk it all out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23492518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celegant/pseuds/celegant
Summary: He knows what Mark's like. If you gave him the choice, he’s sure Mark would jump at the chance to marry him.And that thought absolutelyterrifieshim.Donghyuck knows that you don’t need to be married to be happy together. Especially since being married doesn’t always necessarily guarantee you happiness in the long run anyway. He doesn’t understand why everyone expects them to, not when their relationship isn’t anyone else’s business but their own.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 288
Kudos: 1345
Collections: Markhyuck, My Favorite Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> quick shoutout to blue for letting me birth this au in her dms, and to julia for being the best beta ever!
> 
> translations:  
> [russian](https://t.co/dKtChE7XFa?amp=1)

Donghyuck lets out a long sigh, stretching back against his chair. Countless hours of staring at the glowing text in front of him has earned him the beginnings of a headache, fingers coming up to rub at his eyes. He’s been going at this for hours now. Blinking the white spots away, he looks up to a clock that reads 12:52 am. _Damn, still got a ways to go._

He’s preparing himself to dive back into work when he feels fingers comb through his hair and sees a mug being set down in his periphery. Mark bends down to leave a quick peck on the top of Donghyuck’s head, ruffling his hair once before wordlessly shuffling back into their bedroom.

Donghyuck didn’t even hear him coming, hadn’t even realized that Mark was awake. He reaches for the mug, giving a silent thanks to Mark in his head. _Peppermint,_ he observes, recognizing the scent. He stares at the steaming liquid for a moment before taking a sip. _With a splash of milk and two sugars, just how he likes it._

He makes a decision and gets up from his seat—his work can afford to wait an hour or two. 

Peering into the room, he sees Mark sitting up on his side of the bed, sleep-rumpled but awake. It’s dark, save for the light from Mark’s bedside lamp, illuminating the small notebook in his hands. Armed with a pen and glasses askew on the tip of his nose, Mark doesn’t even register Donghyuck’s presence by the door. 

Donghyuck can always tell when Mark’s had a sudden bout of inspiration, writing quickly as if he’s afraid the words would slip through his fingers if he wasn’t fast enough. 

Leaning against the doorframe, Donghyuck can’t help the surge of affection that goes through him at the sight. Mark had come home from the studio fairly late tonight, foregoing dinner in lieu of getting some much deserved shut eye. Donghyuck takes note of the clothes strewn all over the room. Mark must have stripped and passed out as soon as his head touched the pillow. _He probably just woke up from his nap._

He takes another sip, taking a second to appreciate all the little gestures Mark does for him. Even when absolutely exhausted, he still takes a second to look out for Donghyuck, to check on him, and to let him know he’s being cared for. 

Mark looks up once he’s done writing, mirroring the fond smile Donghyuck knows is on his face. He takes his glasses off and puts the notebook away, beckoning Donghyuck over by pulling the covers open.

“Hey you,” Donghyuck says softly, almost a whisper. He stops just short of the edge of the bed. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Shouldn’t _you_ be in bed?” Mark replies, voice still a little raspy from his nap.

Donghyuck lets out a quiet laugh. He sets his half-finished drink down and flops down next to Mark. “I am now,” he says, cheekily. “But I do have to go back in a bit, I gotta get this thing sent in before class tomorrow.” 

Mark hums and rolls onto his side, turning his full attention onto his boyfriend. “You’re not getting any sleep tonight, are you?” he asks. Mark reaches out to curl a hand around Donghyuck’s waist, pulling him in closer. Leaning down, he presses a chaste kiss to the corner of Donghyuck’s mouth, pulling away just as quickly as he’d come.

 _Tease,_ Donghyuck thinks, reaching out to tug him down for a proper kiss. He can feel Mark smiling into it, pleased at how easily baited Donghyuck always is. Mark brings a hand up to run a thumb across his cheek, tilting his head up to get a better angle. 

Donghyuck lets out a contented sigh and deepens the kiss, fingers tangling in Mark’s hair to keep him in place. Mark answers by turning and pinning Donghyuck down against the pillows, caging him in with his body, leaning down until he's only a hair’s breadth away. 

“What happened to needing to get back to work?” Mark murmurs against his lips.

Donghyuck lets out a contemplative sound, making him wait for an answer. Hands loosely locked around Mark’s neck, as the latter starts trailing kisses down the column of his throat, coming back up to nip lightly at his jawline. 

“I think I deserve a little break now and again, don’t you think?” 

Mark looks up and smiles, all wicked. “How long do I have?”

Donghyuck never could say no to a good distraction.

* * *

They got together in the summer before Mark’s senior year of high school, with Donghyuck in the year below. 

_Their story_ began much earlier, with newly minted freshman Donghyuck’s decision to join the school Choir. While Mark hadn’t actually been part of the club, he occasionally joined in as a substitute pianist when they needed one. 

In his sophomore year, Mark played accompaniment for the first year auditions, and from the moment Donghyuck opened his mouth to sing, he knew he didn’t stand a chance. 

From then on, what was supposed to be a sweet summer fling continued on into the next semester, and then into the next, and the next, and then all the way through four years of university. They ended up in different programs—Mark into music production while Donghyuck pursued pre-med—but that didn’t stop them from moving in together the moment they heard Donghyuck got into the same school. 

Mark snags an internship straight out of undergrad, producing for a small studio while working on his own stuff on the side. Between Mark starting full time work, and Donghyuck’s decision to go do grad school, their lives have only gotten crazier. Their schedules make it so that they don’t have much time for each other, but they find solace in knowing that there’s someone waiting for them at home.

 _Home_ eventually becomes synonymous with Donghyuck’s papers scattered all over the coffee table and kitchen counter. _Home_ is in the muffled melodies streaming in from behind the door to Mark’s makeshift studio. _Home_ is Mark staying up with Donghyuck on late nights before deadlines and in his comforting embrace when all gets too much. _Home_ is found in Donghyuck’s visits to Mark at the studio, to remind him to take care of himself, whether it’s with a meal or with marching orders to sleep.

It’s tough, as are most things in life, but they make it work. They always do. 

Fast forward to the present, through almost 8 years worth of ups and downs, you could ask either of them and they’d both say the same thing. They’re happy with each other, and wouldn’t trade what they have for the world. 

* * *

Donghyuck wakes up closer to noon, his class not for another three hours. Mark’s side of the bed is cold but a pillow’s been tucked against Donghyuck’s arms, where his body should’ve been. He can smell the beginnings of a burnt lunch and thinks he woke up just in time. 

He’s grateful for the days that Mark works from home, really. Their old guest bedroom having long since been turned into a hybrid office/studio for Mark. Between his own long hours in the lab, and Mark’s erratic schedule for work, days like this together are few and far between.

Donghyuck drags himself out of bed, making a quick trip to the bathroom to freshen up, before coming over to drape himself over Mark’s shoulders. He looks down and tries really hard not to judge whatever’s cooking in the pan. 

“Talk shit and you don’t get to eat,” Mark quips. He doesn’t even spare Donghyuck a glance, but the corner of his mouth is turned up in a knowing smile. 

Donghyuck snorts. “Wouldn’t dream of it, babe.” 

He shuffles over to the coffee pot and pours them both a mug each. Donghyuck puts Mark’s mug by his spot on the counter, taking the seat across and scrolling through his phone to catch up on everything he missed that morning.

A few moments of comfortable silence pass, just the sound of Mark plating the food in the background, before Donghyuck lets out a small surprised noise. “Oh,” Donghyuck takes a second to re-read the message. “Hyung’s asking us out for lunch next weekend.” 

“Which hyung?” 

“Mine... Looks like Doyoung hyung’s got someone new and wants to ease him in before introducing him to the folks?” Donghyuck quiets to a murmur. “He’s never done this before though.”

Mark takes the seat and utters a quick thanks for the coffee as he slides Donghyuck’s plate over to him. “What do you mean, he’s never done this before?” he asks, “He’s never introduced anyone to the family?”

Truth be told, Mark wouldn’t be surprised. Despite how long they’ve been together, Mark’s really only met Donghyuck’s brother a handful of times—the older man usually too busy to reach out to. It’s hard to imagine that kind of guy to be the type to find time for a serious relationship. 

“Yeah,” Donghyuck replies. “The guy’s gone through more flings than I can count, but he’s never actually bothered to take any of them home.”

Mark lets out a hum in reply, lets Donghyuck know he’s still paying attention. He can think of a couple of reasons as to Doyoung’s sudden change of heart, but decided against bringing it up with his boyfriend. Mark’s well aware of Donghyuck’s stance on _that_ particular topic and would rather not open Pandora’s Box again. 

“Well,” Mark starts, “feel free to let him know we’re down for either Friday or Sunday, but that Saturday night’s off limits.”

“Saturday night?” There’s a teasing lilt to Donghyuck’s voice. “We have plans for Saturday?”

“Not we, _I_ have plans,” Mark huffs, exasperated. “For _our_ anniversary. And no, we’re not having a repeat of last year’s fiasco.” 

“A _damn_ shame,” Donghyuck says, “That night was fantastic, definitely one for the books.” 

He shoots Mark a leer and an exaggerated eyebrow wiggle just to get his point across. At Mark’s unimpressed expression, he breaks character and lets out a giggle before getting up and making his way around the counter. 

Mark shakes his head, helplessly endeared. “You’re ridiculous.” 

He reaches out as Donghyuck approaches and sits himself down on Mark’s lap, his arms winding around Donghyuck’s waist to keep him steady. Mark looks up just as Donghyuck starts to leave featherlight kisses all over his face. All over his cheeks, his forehead, from his eyelids to the tip of his nose. 

It’s sweet. Everything about Donghyuck is sweet.

“Gross,” Mark grins. 

“You love it,” Donghyuck whispers. 

Mark’s arms tighten around him. “I think I might need a bit more convincing,” he says, swallowing any reply Donghyuck would have made with a proper kiss. 

Mark nips lightly at his bottom lip, the small gasp he lets out giving Mark the opening he needs. Tongue sweeping past, he can feel Donghyuck’s full-body shudder against him. Mark gives in to the urge to pull him impossibly closer. 

Mark always kisses like he can’t get enough, and Donghyuck’s addicted.

One of Mark’s hands reaches up to cradle the back of his head, sharply tugging at his hair. Donghyuck rolls his hips down instinctively, a low whine in the back of his throat. _Bastard,_ Donghyuck thinks.

Donghyuck feels Mark pull back, pausing to take him in. He knows he looks absolutely wrecked, but Mark isn’t any better. Reddened lips, a blush high on his cheeks, he still can’t believe that he gets to call Mark his—that Mark chose _him,_ of all people.

Absently, Donghyuck knows they should probably stop. They both have to start their day eventually, but he doesn’t want to burst their little bubble quite yet. 

The decision is made for them when Mark’s phone suddenly buzzes against the counter, bringing them back down to reality. “We’ll continue this later tonight, yeah?” Donghyuck promises, leaving one last close-mouthed peck to pouting lips before sliding off his lap.

Mark takes a second to compose himself, before grabbing his phone and checking his notifications. 

“It’s Johnny, he wants me in by two for a meeting with a client,” Mark glances up at the clock. “I gotta run pretty soon.”

“That’s fine, I still gotta shower before class anyway,” Donghyuck says. He gets up to put their dirty dishes away, hip checking Mark on his way back to the sink. “What time are you coming home tonight?”

“Not sure,” Mark trails off. “Probably not until after dinner though.”

“Want me to drop something off at the studio? It’s my turn to make dinner anyway.”

“It’s up to you, but you don’t have to go out of your way,” Mark says. “I can always pick something up nearby.”

Donghyuck gives him a pointed look, one that calls Mark an idiot for even suggesting it. “You know I’d love any excuse to visit you, it’s no problem at all,” he says. “And no convenience store garbage in this household, not under my watch.”

“Bullshit,” Mark lets out a scoff, but his smile gives him away. “You wouldn’t come for me, you’d visit to bug the others so you can sneak into the booth again.” Donghyuck lets out a sound that’s neither an affirmative nor a denial, and Mark can’t help but let out a small laugh. 

It’s a testament to how long they’ve been together, how Mark can read him like an open book. Or maybe it’s just because it’s them. Mark and Donghyuck. Donghyuck and Mark. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Donghyuck says. “Now hurry up and get your ass out of here so I can get ready. You’re distracting me.”

Mark moves to grab his keys, shrugging into a jacket that Donghyuck is pretty sure is his. “Don’t forget to reply to your brother.” He walks back over to where Donghyuck is leaning against the wall, watching him get ready. He presses a quick kiss to his cheek before heading out. “I’ll see you later tonight, just call me so I can buzz you in.” 

“Yes, sir,” Donghyuck mockingly salutes. He waits until the last moment, just as Mark’s about to leave the apartment to call out, “Hey—”

Mark turns back, a _what?_ on the tip of his tongue when Donghyuck beats him to it.

“I love you.”

The soft smile that lights up Mark’s face is precious. Donghyuck thinks he really should start saying it more often. 

“I love you too, Hyuck. See ya later.”

* * *

**jaem** (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

hyuuuuck ٩(๑> ₃ <)۶♥ dinner tonight? after class?

**h(yuck)**

sorry nana not tonight ㅠㅠ

having dinner with mark in the studio 

coffee after class instead? my treat

 **jaem** (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

abandoning me for ur husband ( ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ ) 

yeah sure

how’s 4pm? I’ll grab us seats

**h(yuck)**

don’t call him that.

yea 4 works, i’ll see you then!!

Donghyuck walks into the small cafe, scanning across the crowd for a shock of pink hair. He spots him seated in a booth by the window on the way to the counter, moving to grab their drinks before heading over. 

He slides Jaemin’s americano across the table, prompting him to look up from his phone. A smile plastered on his face that could only mean trouble. Trouble for _Donghyuck,_ specifically.

“So? What was that all about, earlier?” Let it never be known that Na Jaemin doesn’t get straight to the point.

Donghyuck sighs. _I shouldn’t have let it slip._

“What was _what_ all about?” Donghyuck asks. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you getting all pissy over me calling Mark hyung your husband,” Jaemin explains. “Everyone used to do it all the time? And I know a loaded period when I see one, Hyuck. So what gives?”

Donghyuck can feel his stomach drop at the question. “It’s nothing,” he says, hesitantly, the familiar dread whenever anyone brings up the topic already starting to creep in.

“Yeah, right, _clearly,_ it's nothing." Jaemin mutters under his breath. He lowers his voice, leaning in closer, “Seriously, Hyuck, talk to me. Are things alright between you and Mark?” 

Jaemin had met both him and Mark in Donghyuck’s first year of university. Having been in a lot of similar classes, and given their respective personalities, they had naturally gotten closer over the years. Jaemin had been the only one in their friend group to follow Donghyuck down the path to grad school, albeit with a different department. 

Nevertheless, he’s the one of the few that Donghyuck still sees on a semi-regular basis. 

Plus, he knows where they live. Best he dealt with this now, than when Mark’s around to hear. 

He hears the genuine concern lacing Jaemin’s voice and feels guilty. Donghyuck heaves another sigh, “It’s… not what you think,” he says. “We’re fine. Couldn’t be more than perfect, honestly.”

The half-hearted answer doesn’t get rid of the furrow in Jaemin’s eyebrows. “Then what’s wrong?” he asks. “That kind of came out of left field, Hyuck, you can’t blame me for thinking something’s up.” 

“It’s complicated…” Donghyuck trails off. A beat of silence passes before Jaemin puts his drink down. 

“Try me.”

* * *

It’s really not that complicated of a story, as much as Donghyuck tries to avoid telling it. 

It starts when he’s six, escalating voices from downstairs echoing throughout the house. Most nights find him in Doyoung’s bedroom, curled up under the blankets next to his brother, trying to block out the yelling. Doyoung tries his best—only older by four years—but even then, he’s still just a kid too. 

It comes to a head when he’s eight. One second, he’s walking back from school with his brother, hand nestled in Doyoung’s tight grip as he leads them home. The next thing he knows, he’s being ripped away from half his family, his mother telling him that they’re ‘paying their aunt a visit’ almost two cities away. 

He doesn’t resent either of his parents, not really. If anything, he’s glad to see they’re both happier separated than they ever were when they were one family. He still thinks about it sometimes though, about what changed. About what _could_ have been changed. About all the _what ifs_ and every broken promise that came along with it. 

His father moves on once Doyoung is old enough to move out, remarrying into another family not long after. Donghyuck’s on amicable terms with him, although he hasn’t seen his father in person in years. He hopes that this time, things will work out better for him.

The only silver lining followed years later, being that Donghyuck had moved out closer to Doyoung’s medical practice, once he had started university with Mark. Despite trying to make up for lost time, the stilted relationship he currently has with his brother is probably one of his biggest regrets. He wonders what they could have been, had they stayed together. 

His mother, on the other hand, was never quite the same. Donghyuck’s seen the effects of the divorce first hand, had seen the sleepless nights at his aunt’s house. Out of his mother’s sight, but still able to hear the stifled cries she lets out when she thought she was alone. She’s gotten better over the years, although marriage has become somewhat of a taboo topic around her. Donghyuck learns to never bring it up.

He reminisces sometimes, and thinks he never wants to inflict that kind of pain on anyone. 

* * *

“So, yeah,” Donghyuck says, “I’m not that big on the whole getting married schtick?” _Understatement of the year._ “I really don’t think it’ll add anything? Mark and I are perfectly happy as we are right now.” 

The underlying, _nothing has to change,_ goes unsaid.

Jaemin sits back in his seat, not a word uttered since Donghyuck started telling his story. He knew the basics of course, about the divorce and Doyoung, but not to this extent. 

He gives Donghyuck a second to breathe, as he sips quietly on his own drink. 

“Does Mark know about this?” Jaemin asks.

“About the divorce? Yeah, of course—”

“No,” Jaemin interrupts. “I mean, does he know about how strongly you feel about this?”

Donghyuck hesitates. He’d shared his story with Mark years ago, when they first started dating. It’s never really been brought up again, if he were being honest. 

_Probably because you avoid the topic like the plague,_ the voice in the back of his head unhelpfully supplies. 

“I… think so?” Donghyuck starts. “Not in as many words but… yeah, we’ve talked about it before.” _Kinda._

He knows Jaemin can see right through him. He can see it in the slight frown on his otherwise handsome face. _He’s disappointed,_ Donghyuck thinks. 

_I’m sure he’s not the only one._ A picture of Mark’s face flashes briefly through his mind. 

“Donghyuck—” 

“I know.” 

It’s Jaemin’s turn to sigh. Donghyuck knows he’s just looking out for the both of them. 

He reaches out to hold one of Donghyuck’s hands. Briefly, he thinks about whether Jaemin notices how cold they are. How cold they’ve been since the beginning of this conversation.

“I know you think you’re fine. Might even believe it yourself,” Jaemin looks him straight in the eyes, gaze serious and unwavering. Almost a little bit pleading.

“But what are you going to do if Mark asks you to marry him?”

* * *

He tries not to let it get to him. Jaemin had eventually let it drop after seeing how uncomfortable he was, but not without a final warning to talk to his boyfriend about how he feels. 

That makes him pause. How _does_ he feel? 

Donghyuck’s never really allowed himself to think too deeply about his future with Mark. He’s more than happy to keep his thoughts centered around the present. It’s how they’ve managed to last this long, after all. 

He knows what Mark's like. If you gave him the choice, he’s sure Mark would jump at the chance to marry him. 

And that thought absolutely _terrifies_ him. 

Donghyuck knows that you don’t need to be married to be happy together. _Especially_ since being married doesn’t always necessarily guarantee you happiness in the long run anyway. He doesn’t understand why everyone expects them to, not when their relationship isn’t anyone else’s business but their own.

But he’s not blind. Mark’s always been the type of romantic to dream of the house with the white picket fence—happily married with kids and a puppy. He doesn’t pretend to not see the hurt in Mark’s eyes, visible after every one of Donghyuck’s flippant dismissals and non-answers. 

It’s not like he hadn’t thought about the possibility before, there are days where he wonders if they’d be able to pull it off. If they could really be each other’s happily ever after. Some days, he almost believes it.

Other days, he wonders if Mark doesn’t deserve someone better. Wonders if Mark doesn’t regret choosing to be with him. 

These thoughts run circles in his head the entire trip home, continuing to spiral even as he prepares his and Mark’s dinner. He manages to convince himself to push it aside for now, clearing his head on his way to the studio. 

He gives himself a moment to breathe, to gather himself before walking up the steps into the building. He makes his way to the seated waiting area before taking his phone out and dialing Mark’s number. 

The line rings just once before the familiar voice comes through the speaker. Donghyuck feels himself fully calm down at the sound. Mark must’ve been waiting for him to call.

_“Hello? Hyuck? Are you downstairs?”_

“Hey, Mark. Yeah, I am. Should I just come up?”

 _“Actually, let me meet you down there.”_ Donghyuck hears the sound of things being shuffled around on the other end of the line. _“We can eat dinner in the lounge instead of in the studio.”_

“Sounds good, I’ll wait for you by reception.”

Donghyuck puts his phone away and looks around. As modest as Mark makes his job out to be, he can never quite get rid of the awe he feels every time he steps foot inside their building. The recording studio itself is part of a much larger commercial building, the place still thrumming with energy this late into the night. 

He casts a look over to the coffee shop kiosk and wonders if he should grab a couple pick me ups for tonight. He looks down at his watch and decides against it. _Mark needs his sleep, caffeine would probably be a bad idea,_ he thinks. 

_Although,_ he smiles a little to himself, remembering his promise from earlier, _that doesn’t mean he can’t stay up for other things._

He hears the _ding_ signalling the elevator’s arrival and looks up, seeing the doors part to Mark’s slightly disgruntled expression as he talks to someone to the side. It lasts only for a split second though, until Mark’s eyes land on Donghyuck’s waiting figure, his face lighting up instantly. 

Mark makes his way towards him, followed by two others closely behind. He recognizes one of them as Johnny, one of Mark’s good friends from the studio. The other person’s face—partially obscured by the shadow of his hat—is only slightly familiar, although not one that Donghyuck can put a name to. 

“Hyuck!” Johnny rushes past Mark to greet him, Donghyuck grins at the familiar tone. The taller man pulls him in for a one-armed hug, careful not to jostle the package in Donghyuck’s arms. 

“Hey hyung,” Donghyuck greets, “It’s been a while.”

Donghyuck still remembers the first time he’d visited Mark at the studio. He’d offhandedly mentioned that he used to sing as a hobby, and Johnny jumped at the chance to let him into the booth. 

Like Mark—who, at the time, stood in the middle of the console with a knowing smile on his face—the rest of the crew didn’t stand a chance.

“You’ve gotta come around more often, kid. I’ve been dying to get your voice on some of the new demos,” Johnny casts a teasing glance over to Mark. “But someone’s been stingy about having you over.”

“Not true!” Mark exclaims. “He’s here like, literally all the time? _You’re_ the one that’s never here.” 

Donghyuck hears someone try to hide a laugh behind a cough. He turns, and it’s the unfamiliar man that came down with them. Now that he’s closer, Donghyuck sees what looks like a pretty face, hiding behind a too-big hat and a curled fist. 

“Who’s this?” he asks.

“Oh! My bad,” Mark says. “This is—”

“Ah, it’s fine,” A hand on Mark’s shoulder makes him pause. “It’s been a while, Hyuck,” the man says, his soft voice pulling at the edges of Donghyuck’s memory. “But I’m glad to see you’re looking well.”

He reaches up to remove his hat, exposing a bright shock of platinum blond hair, before making eye contact with Donghyuck. It takes two beats before the pieces click into place. 

“You’re kidding me,” Donghyuck says, excitement clear in his voice. “Holy shit, Yongie? Taeyong hyung?” 

“Wait, what?” Mark asks. “Hyuck, you know who this is?” He and Johnny look as stunned as Donghyuck feels. 

“Do I know him?” Donghyuck laughs, almost giddy. “I practically lived at his house when I was a kid.”

“Only because I was stuck babysitting you,” Taeyong replies. “Literally too. We went to the same school for a while, I was in his brother’s class.” 

He still can’t quite believe it. He and Doyoung had grown up in the same small town as Taeyong, oftentimes hiding out in the latter’s house to avoid their bickering parents. Once Donghyuck had moved away after the split, communication had been sparse over the following years before he lost contact with Taeyong almost completely. 

Donghyuck straightens up, shifting his bag to his other hand. Mark notices and reaches out to take it from him, earning him a grateful smile. He turns his attention back to Taeyong, “So what brings you over to these parts, hyung?”

“I’m in town for a personal trip, but Johnny’s an old friend,” Taeyong begins. “He called me into the studio to look over a project, so I’m here for the next little while.” He blinks, as if suddenly remembering something.

“Wait,” Taeyong turns to Mark. _“Donghyuck’s_ the infamous golden-voiced boyfriend they were telling me about?” 

“The infamous what now?” Donghyuck playfully asks, reaching over to pinch Mark’s cheek. “What have you been telling them?”

Mark laughs and swats his hand away. “It was nothing good, I can promise you that. Mostly about how much of a menace you are.” 

Donghyuck pouts at that, and Mark doesn’t even bat an eye. 

“Donghyuck’s basically a regular at the studio, at this point,” Johnny adds on, ruffling his hair. “An angel sent from Heaven with food for us poor, overworked souls.” 

“See? Johnny hyung gets it.” Donghyuck grins. 

“Plus, he’s free labor whenever we get him into the booth.”

“Hey!”

They all laugh at his expense, and Mark pulls him in to leave a quick kiss on his temple as an apology. Donghyuck grins, melting into his side. “Yeah, well, see if I ever grace you with my voice ever again.” 

Taeyong watches them with something akin to fondness on his face. “So how long have you guys been together?” he asks. “Doyoung mentioned that you’d gotten yourself a boyfriend, but I never would’ve thought that it’d be someone I knew.”

“You’ve been in contact with my brother?” Donghyuck replies, shocked. “He talked about me?”

Taeyong’s smile grows softer, if not a little sadder. “Of course he does, Hyuck. He mentions you all the time.” 

Mark watches him from the corner of his eye, Donghyuck still reeling a bit from the information. While Doyoung and Donghyuck have an amicable relationship, they’re not particularly close. At least, not anymore. Mark knows it’s a bit of a sore spot, Donghyuck not knowing where he stands with his brother. 

“We’ve been together for 7 years now? Almost 8 if you round up.” Mark answers, discreetly reaching out to hold Donghyuck’s hand. That seems to bring his attention back to the conversation, and Donghyuck squeezes his hand in thanks. 

Both Taeyong and Johnny looked shocked, the latter chiming in with, “Holy shit, you guys have been together for that long? How did I not know this?” 

Mark lets out a soft laugh. “It’s not exactly a secret hyung, we got together before the end of high school,” he says. “We just kinda kept going, I guess?” 

Donghyuck grins up at him and winks. “Mark’s a pain, but he’s not terrible to have around.” 

Johnny lets out a low whistle. “Damn, that’s a long time,” he grins then, suddenly, full of mischief. “So when’s the wedding?” 

Donghyuck feels Mark freeze next to him. The silence goes one for a beat too long, before Mark lets out an awkward laugh. 

“Well—”

“Not anytime soon, that’s for sure.” Donghyuck interrupts, voice harder than intended, leaving no room for arguments. 

Mark whips his head to look at Donghyuck’s smiling face. Donghyuck knows it probably looks horribly fake. He refuses to make eye contact with Mark, can’t bear to see whatever expression is on his face.

“Yeah," Mark eventually affirms. “Hyuck’s right, not anytime soon.” Mark’s smiling too, but he knows it’s not fooling anyone, not with the way Johnny’s looking at him with an odd look on his face. He’s certainly not fooling Donghyuck. 

“Marriage isn’t in the books for us right now, but that’s okay,” Donghyuck continues. “We’re perfectly happy with how things are right now.”

Donghyuck wonders if he says it enough times out loud, maybe he’ll start to believe it himself. 

* * *

“I’m sorry.”

They’re sitting at a booth in the lounge, halfway through their dinner. Mark’s been uncharacteristically quiet since Johnny and Taeyong left, the usually comfortable silence replaced by an air of suffocating tension. It’s awkward, and Donghyuck doesn’t know how to fix it. 

He has so much he wants to say, so many questions he wants reassurances for, but he can’t bring himself to speak them out loud. 

So he settles for an apology. “I’m sorry,” he repeats, quieter this time. 

“It’s fine, Hyuck,” Mark says. “Really, don’t worry about it.” He’s smiling at Donghyuck, but it’s brittle. He can hear the remnants of hurt in Mark's voice, hates the fact that it’s his fault it’s there.

”Are you sure you’re okay?” He already knows what Mark’s going to say, but Donghyuck can’t help but ask one more time. His stomach hasn’t stopped turning since they sat down, the guilt mounting with every passing minute. His dinner is left mostly untouched. 

There’s a pause, and Donghyuck holds his breath. 

Eventually, Mark reaches out to take one of his hands, bringing it up to press a quick kiss to his knuckles. “... I will be,” he assures, “and I know you don’t want to talk about it. We don’t have to. But you _do_ know that I’d never pressure you into doing anything you didn’t want to do, right?” 

Mark looks so earnest, it’s almost painful.

“All that matters to me is that you’re happy.” 

Donghyuck closes his eyes, almost as if he’d been struck. He manages a weak nod, as a fresh wave of guilt passes through him. He feels nauseous. 

_God, I don’t deserve him._

A moment or two passes, as Donghyuck tries not to spiral in front of his boyfriend. Even after everything—from the flashes of disappointment he sees in Mark’s eyes after every casual rejection, to the insecurity that lingers on long after—Mark still puts Donghyuck and his happiness first. 

_Coward,_ he thinks. _You’re a goddamn coward, Lee Donghyuck._

“Hey,” Mark says softly, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand to bring him back down. 

Donghyuck opens his eyes, raising his eyes from their interlocked hands to see Mark’s lopsided grin. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but Mark’s always been a better actor than him. 

“Think you could do me a favor?” Mark asks. Donghyuck nods again in response. “Let’s head back upstairs. I have something I wanna show you.”

Mark’s smile changes into something a bit more genuine. “It’ll make you feel better, I promise.”

* * *

Mark leads them back up to the studio, and into the control room where his laptop’s been connected to the center console. Mark hasn’t let go of his hand since they left the lounge, and Donghyuck appreciates the gesture. 

The room is empty, save for the two of them.

“I have a track I want you to listen to,” Mark begins. “And if you want to, I was thinking about borrowing your voice for the last bridge.” 

Donghyuck nods, not quite sure where this is coming from. “Let’s hear it then.” 

A percussive beat starts to play through the speakers, and Donghyuck is surprised to hear Mark’s soft rapping opening the song. The song’s still pretty bare, the lack of backing vocals makes it clear the song’s unfinished. 

Donghyuck closes his eyes and listens intently, from the lyrics to Mark’s melodic voice in the verses, it’s a piece he definitely hasn’t heard before. He loves hearing Mark’s singing voice—typically a rarity in their household, as he likes letting Donghyuck take the lead in that department. 

_Still,_ Donghyuck thinks, _his voice is beautiful._

The lyrics speak of a past full of longing, of regrets forgotten in light of a new dream. _It’s a love song,_ Donghyuck realizes. A tribute to finding your way home—the idea of somebody _being_ home, and their guiding light a beacon for the lost. 

“I wrote this about you a couple years ago,” Mark begins, his voice no louder than a whisper. “It was right before we graduated.” 

Mark smiles, and it’s soft. “I was a mess and didn’t know what the next step was,” he reaches out and takes Donghyuck’s hands into his own. “But it was okay. _You_ made it okay.”

Donghyuck can’t help the sting of tears that gather in his eyes at the admission. Mark reaches up to brush them away, his expression inexplicably tender. 

“Even now, it’s still okay,” Mark says, leaning forward and leaving a quick peck on his forehead. _“We’re_ still okay.” 

Donghyuck can’t help himself, moving forward to capture Mark’s lips in a proper kiss. He pulls away, and Donghyuck knows there aren’t enough words to express what he wants to say. 

So instead, he says, “Let me sing, Mark. Please.” 

* * *

Donghyuck’s in the isolation booth, waiting for his cue. The same song plays in his ears as he makes eye contact with Mark from behind the glass. He reads the lyrics over and over, and imagines a younger Mark Lee, scribbling into his notebook all night. 

The lyrics to the bridge are beautiful. _The compass I saw in my dreams, I know now that it’s you._ Donghyuck thinks there’s no better description of what Mark means to him, heart aching at the thought of the sentiment being returned. 

He finishes his lines, now all that’s left are the ad libs. A repetition of _I’ll be your home_ echoes throughout the room in Donghyuck’s honey-warm voice. Donghyuck’s eyes closed in concentration, he doesn’t see Mark get up from his seat. 

The song ends and Donghyuck opens his eyes just in time to see the door to the booth open. He doesn’t even have time to ask if the run was good before Mark’s removing his headphones, setting them aside before kissing Donghyuck with a ferocity that threatens to consume him.

Mark kisses him senseless as he walks them back against a wall. With Mark’s hands cradling his face, whispered _I love yous_ in between heated kisses, Donghyuck feels their worries from earlier wash away. 

_This_ is all that matters. Mark, with him, right now. That’s it. 

“Take me home, Mark,” he whispers.

* * *

They get back to their apartment in record time, fumbling through the front door in a frenzied rush. Donghyuck pushes Mark back against the door as soon as they get inside, capturing his mouth in a searing kiss. It’s rough, more desperate than usual, Donghyuck finds that he doesn’t mind. 

Everything feels like it’s too much, their need for each other reaching a fever pitch, fingers scrambling against clothes. _It’s not enough,_ he thinks. Donghyuck feels overwhelmed, but in the best way, arms wrapping around Mark’s shoulders to pull him in closer. 

Mark wedges a thigh in between his legs, and Donghyuck pulls back to gasp out a breathy moan. He tries to rock his hips down, eager for the friction, but Mark holds him in place with a tight grip around the waist. 

_“Fuck,”_ Donghyuck rasps. He tilts his head back, directing a frustrated glare at his boyfriend. Mark dips his head down, sucking bruises against his exposed throat, Donghyuck helpless to do anything but squirm in his hold. 

“Relax,” Mark murmurs, voice low, lips brushing against his pulse point. “Let me take care of you tonight.” He kisses a line up his jaw to whisper directly into Donghyuck’s ear. “Tell me what you want, baby.”

Fingers twisting in Mark’s hair, Donghyuck pulls him in for another hard kiss. _"God,_ I’ve been thinking about this all day,” he breathes out. “Your mouth, your fingers, the feeling of you inside of me.” 

Donghyuck’s mouths against his lips. “I want you to _ruin_ me.” 

He can feel the hard length of Mark’s cock twitch against him as he pushes their hips together one last time.

_"Bedroom.”_

* * *

They make their way down to their room, stopping every so often to press the other up against the nearest wall. Clothes discarded in between fervent kisses, Donghyuck leads them to the bed and pulls Mark down on top of him. 

Mark sits back, taking a second to admire Donghyuck, splayed under him against the pillows, cheeks rosy and flushed all the way down to his chest. He’s breathless, kiss-bitten lips parted and Mark can’t look away. 

One of Mark’s hands trails down his body—his touch featherlight, almost teasing—ignited sparks left in its wake. Mark’s touch burns, Donghyuck feels it simmering under his skin. 

Donghyuck feels like he’s on _fire._

He reaches up to caress Mark’s cheek, hand lingering to cup his face. Mark’s eyes are dark, irises blown in arousal, as he meets Donghyuck’s hungry gaze. 

“Do you have _any_ idea what you do to me?” Mark murmurs, covering Donghyuck's hand with his own, angling his head to leave a sweet kiss to the middle of his palm. “Wish you could see yourself right now.” Mark’s voice is rough, thick with barely restrained want. 

Donghyuck’s breath hitches, warmth flooding his chest. He pulls Mark down for another kiss, slower this time, lacking the sense of urgency from earlier. Mark kisses him tenderly, like he’s something precious, and Donghyuck feels like he could cry. 

Mark moves, leaving open mouthed kisses all over his chest, down his stomach, spreading Donghyuck’s thighs to settle between them. Mark starts to suck a pattern of bruises down his inner thigh, leaving blooms of purple and red that Donghyuck knows will last for days. _A reminder,_ he thinks, _not that he could ever forget._

He’s trembling, fingers clenched around their sheets. “Mark,” Donghyuck pants. “Mark, _please.”_ His cock, achingly hard and flushed red, lays untouched against his stomach. 

Mark smiles. “Please what?” he teases. Mark’s fingers ghost over Donghyuck’s dick, and he can’t help the low whine that leaves him. 

“Do something,” Donghyuck pleads. _“Anything.”_

He hears Mark chuckle, pressing one last kiss on the side of his knee. “Whatever you want, love.” 

Donghyuck hears the click of the bottle of lube being opened, followed by the feeling of one of Mark’s fingers probing his entrance. He shivers at the cool touch, Mark petting his thigh in apology. Donghyuck moans as the first finger slides into him, hips unconsciously grinding down. Donghyuck throws his head back against the pillows as Mark’s free hand comes up to wrap around his cock. 

“So fucking gorgeous,” Mark says, curling his fingers in the way he knows will drive Donghyuck crazy. A few moments pass as he lets Donghyuck adjust, before adding a second finger. The stretch burns so _good_ and Donghyuck arches off the bed with a broken-off moan when he feels Mark’s fingers brush against his prostate. 

Mark holds him down gently by the hip with one hand, as he works him open with the other. “You good for another one?” he asks. Donghyuck nods weakly, not trusting his voice. The addition of a third finger has him whimpering in pleasure, Mark hitting the right angle at every thrust, years of practice guiding him like he knows Donghyuck’s body better than himself. 

It’s starting to be too much, too soon, and he doesn’t want to come without Mark inside of him. 

“Mark, stop,” he cries. “I’m ready, and if you don’t get inside me right now I’m gonna come before you even get close.” 

He hears Mark let out a shaky exhale. “Yeah, right, yeah.” Without warning, Donghyuck sits up and pushes Mark down against the bed. Donghyuck leans down to kiss him, straddling his hips as Mark’s hands come up to rest on his waist. 

Donghyuck sits back up, taking the lube and squirting a liberal amount onto his palm. He takes a second to warm it up in his hands, before reaching down and taking Mark’s cock in a tight-gripped stroke. At Mark’s deep groan, Donghyuck licks his lips, starting a torturously slow rhythm up and down with his hands. He can feel himself clench and unclench around nothing in anticipation. 

“Mark, baby,” he whispers. “Wanna ride you.”

Mark’s answering moan is all the go ahead Donghyuck needs, lining himself up with Mark’s dick before sinking down slowly. He feels every single inch, the stretch bordering on painful as he bottoms out. _Fuck,_ Donghyuck thinks. He’ll never get tired of this. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” Mark gasps out. “You feel so fucking good.”

“Heh,” Donghyuck lets out a shaky laugh, legs trembling with the effort to hold himself still. “You’re not so bad yourself.” 

Mark shifts his hand to run along his thighs, a comforting gesture. Donghyuck lifts his hips up experimentally, letting his weight slam him back down the length of Mark’s dick. They both let out a groan, as Donghyuck moves to start riding him properly, the position letting Mark take him so deep, so fucking deep, trying to find the best angle that’ll make him see stars. 

Guiding Donghyuck by the hips as he bounces in his lap, Mark plants his feet against the bed to meet Donghyuck for every thrust. Donghyuck keens, high and desperate, as he picks up his pace. Mark reaches up to brush his thumb against his nipples, the shock making him clench around Mark as he comes down.

“Donghyuck,” Mark groans. 

“Mark,” he pants, shifting to lean back, grinding down as Mark thrusts up into him. “Oh fuck—yes, _there,_ Mark, oh god, please don’t stop—” 

He’s babbling but he can’t help it, the new angle letting Mark’s cock hit his prostate dead on with every thrust. Mark’s grip on his waist near-bruising, Donghyuck’s head rolls against his shoulder, peering down at Mark through half-lidded eyes. Mark’s eyes are glazed over, watching himself disappear into Donghyuck over and over again, taking in the filthy sounds as his bounces become erratic.

Donghyuck squeezes his eyes shut. _Fuck,_ he’s close.

Almost as if Mark could hear his thoughts, he moves one of his hands from Donghyuck’s waist to lightly stroke his dick. Donghyuck lets out a half-choked sob, _“Mark,”_ hips stuttering, his legs giving out on him. _“I’m—”_

Mark moves to sit up to capture his lips in a filthy kiss, halting Donghyuck’s movements before pushing him back down onto the bed. Donghyuck whines at the loss as Mark slips out— _he’s so fucking close—_ but Mark’s back on top and pushing back into him before he could complain.

“Shh, you're okay, Hyuck,” Mark whispers, snapping his hips forward relentlessly. Donghyuck feels lightning shoot up his spine, unabashed moans leaving him as Mark fucks him into the bed. “I’ve got you, baby,” he repeats into the crook of Donghyuck’s shoulder, tone gentle despite the force of his thrusts. 

Donghyuck reaches up to clutch at Mark’s back, nails raking down as he feels himself hurtling towards the edge. The feeling of Mark dragging inside him, pounding into him hard enough to rock the bed, sets Donghyuck’s blood ablaze. 

His voice is hoarse with an endless litany of curses, _Mark_ and _please,_ staccato moans falling from his lips. Mark reaches a hand between them, stroking him hard and fast, trying to match the rhythm of his thrusts. Mark slams in hard one last time, sending him tumbling over the edge, as Donghyuck lets out a broken sob. “Ah, _Mark—”_

And that’s it. Mark feels Donghyuck clench white-hot around him, impossibly tight, as he fucks him through the aftershocks. Donghyuck shakes under him, cock sending spurts of mess all over his stomach. 

He feels Mark start to pull out, but he locks him into place with his legs. Donghyuck reaches up to wind his arms around Mark’s neck, pulling him down to whisper, “Keep going. I want to feel you come inside me.” 

Mark smiles tiredly, adoration clear on his face. “You’re going to be the death of me, Hyuck.”

Mark kisses him one last time before bracing his arms against Donghyuck’s head, starting up again at a brutal pace. Donghyuck’s still oversensitive, almost bordering on painful, but he loves it. Loves the way he can feel Mark start to lose himself, in the frantic thrusts as he chases his own orgasm. 

“That’s it, baby,” Donghyuck mumbles. “You’re doing so well, love it when you fuck me open like this.”

He feels Mark’s hips start to stutter. Donghyuck’s voice dips lower, breathier. “Are you gonna come for me, Mark?”

 _“Donghyuck,”_ Mark chokes out, fucking into him one last time. Donghyuck can feel him pulse inside, shuddering at the sudden warmth. Mark collapses onto Donghyuck with a tired chuckle, the latter letting out a breathless _oomph_ at the weight. 

“Mark, get off me, you’re all gross,” Donghyuck slaps him on the back for good measure, but holds it there, his other arm coming up to envelop Mark in an embrace. They stay like that for a while, Donghyuck feeling the thundering of Mark's heart against him.

A few moments pass before Mark pulls back from Donghyuck’s embrace. "Hey," he says, one of his hands coming up to gently caress Donghyuck's face. There’s a storm brewing in Mark’s eyes, but one emotion stands out clear among the rest. 

“I love you, Hyuck,” Mark whispers. “So much.” He brushes his thumb across Donghyuck’s cheek. “No matter what.”

Donghyuck feels himself melt at the words. “I love you too,” he replies softly, “just as much.” 

Mark leans down to capture his lips in the sweetest kiss yet. It leaves him breathless in a different way, with Mark pouring his all into the kiss, almost as if he’s got something to prove. 

Donghyuck can’t help but think back to his earlier conversation with Jaemin. He thinks about Mark, about his pained expression and how closed off he was after their conversation with Taeyong. 

He thinks about how much he loves Mark with every fiber of his being. He thinks about this man, who loves with all his heart and gives so much of himself, who excuses Donghyuck for all his flaws and loves him for who he is.

_“But what are you going to do if Mark asks you to marry him?”_

Donghyuck hates that he still doesn’t have an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/dhyuckiees) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/dhyuckIees)
> 
> aaa I'm so excited to finally start this fic!! pls be gentle with me bc it's my first time trying to write ndksjd (also yes, the song mark was playing in the studio was dear dream :>)


	2. Chapter 2

Donghyuck wakes up to the sound of a text message, eyes blinking up blearily at his phone in the dark of their bedroom. He barely got a wink of sleep, thoughts from the night before continuing to plague him, endless questions that kept him tossing and turning all through the night. The sun’s not even out yet, and the only sounds he can hear are of Mark’s soft breathing beside him. 

Mark’s sleeping figure is warm and curled around him, a tempting invitation for Donghyuck to fall back asleep. 

Mind still foggy, it takes him a second to adjust to the harsh light of his phone, turning the other way in fear of it waking Mark up. 11 unread messages and 2 missed calls. He sits up, slightly more awake and more than a little alarmed. The bulk of the messages are from his lab’s group chat, someone yelling something about one of their freezers breaking down. The missed calls were from his supervisor, asking him to get to the lab as soon as he can. 

Donghyuck sighs, resigned to an early morning start. It’s one of the days where he wishes they didn’t live so close to campus. Mentally preparing himself to get up from the comforting warmth of their bed, Donghyuck almost misses the last unread message. It’s one from his brother.

_‘I’ll see you two next Friday then. Reservation is at 12. Don’t be late.’_

He stares at the message for longer than intended, unable to shake off the heavy feeling settling in his chest. _I’m being stupid,_ he thinks. _It’s just lunch._ Donghyuck sets his phone back down and moves to get out of the blankets when he feels an arm come up around his chest to pull him back in. Mark nuzzles into his side, eyes still closed.

“Wha’ time ‘s it?” he mumbles. 

Donghyuck reaches down to run a hand through the bird’s nest on Mark’s head. “It’s still really early, babe, go back to sleep.” He checks his phone again, it’s not even 6 am yet. _Christ._

“Why’re you up?” Mark squints up at him, not quite fully awake, and Donghyuck resists the urge to coo at the sight. 

“I gotta run down to the lab,” he answers. “One of the freezers broke down and I have to help with sample evac.” Donghyuck leans down to press a kiss to the top of Mark’s head. “Seriously, Mark, it’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

A soft “Mm,” is all he gets in return, followed by a few beats of silence. Donghyuck thinks that maybe Mark’s already fallen back asleep, so he gets up and makes his way to the bathroom for a quick shower before heading out. 

Stepping under the warm spray of the water, Donghyuck feels himself wake up a little more. He’s sore, but pleasantly so—a reminder of their tryst the night before. Unwittingly, his mind wanders back to everything that happened yesterday, Jaemin’s question still nagging in the back of his mind.

So lost in his thoughts, he doesn't register the door opening until Mark steps into the shower behind him, the cool air that comes with him making Donghyuck shiver. He doesn’t bother turning around, not as Mark wraps his arms around him, pulling him close and pressing his lips to Donghyuck’s bare shoulder. 

“Giving up on sleep?” Donghyuck huffs out a laugh, leaning into the embrace, reaching up and turning his head to give Mark a kiss. He gets another sleepy hum in reply, and Mark goes back to squishing his face in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck. 

The water’s starting to run cold, and Donghyuck really should be hurrying out to work, but neither of them particularly care. He turns around, moves to lather the shampoo in Mark’s hair, the familiar scent of coconut permeating around them. Eyes closed, Mark lets out a soft sigh in contentment as Donghyuck’s fingers massages his scalp. 

Donghyuck pulls them further into the spray to rinse him off, laughing under his breath when Mark splutters in surprise. _Cute,_ Donghyuck thinks. He pushes Mark’s wet hair out of his face, slicking it back and sneaking in a quick kiss in apology when the other other man starts pouting. 

He takes a second to admire Mark in front of him, one of his hands tracing the lone freckle on Mark’s cheek, moving down to the two that dot the side of his neck. His touch is light, barely there, and when he looks back up to Mark’s face, his eyes are open, staring at him with a look that could only be described as _adoring._ It’s soft, something reserved only for the early hours of the morning.

“Good morning,” Mark whispers, before leaning in to capture Donghyuck’s lips one more time.

Donghyuck smiles against Mark’s lips. “G’morning.” 

They eventually finish washing up, Mark offering to drive Donghyuck to the lab to save him some time. It’s a quiet ride out to the campus, Donghyuck absentmindedly gazing out the window and trying not to fall back asleep. He glances back at his phone, remembers the message he received earlier this morning. 

“Doyoung hyung got back to me, by the way,” Donghyuck mumbles, looking back out the window. “Lunch next Friday at 12.” 

Something must’ve sounded off in the way he said it, because Mark looks over at him from the corner of his eye. “Everything okay?”

There’s a pause before Donghyuck shrugs, waving his hand in dismissal. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I think it’s just nerves.” 

Mark reaches across the center console to give his thigh a reassuring squeeze, the warmth of his hand a soothing comfort. “Hey, you’ll be fine. I’ll be right there with you when you see him.” Donghyuck gives him a small smile in return, covering Mark’s hand with his own and lacing their fingers together in silent thanks. 

He keeps their hands together for the rest of the drive there.

* * *

Donghyuck doesn’t see his brother that often—maybe a few times a year if he’s lucky—and even then, it’s usually only at family functions. Doyoung had grown distant over the years, and it was only due to the recent convenience of proximity that he and Donghyuck had managed to get to where they are now.

Things weren’t always so bad between the two of them. Despite the physical separation, their relationship remained mostly unchanged during the first few years after the divorce. Between the occasional weekends spent together at their grandparents’ house and the long hours on the phone, they made sure to make do with the little time they had. 

It all started to shift around the time Donghyuck turned fourteen. Everything was changing—he was starting high school in a brand new city, Doyoung had moved even further away for university, and to the shock of everyone in the family, their father had announced his upcoming engagement to another woman.

Donghyuck was fifteen when he decided not to attend his father’s second wedding. 

His father had understood back then, couldn’t really hold it against his son. Not after what he’d put him through. 

His brother, on the other hand, _hadn’t._

He can still remember the phone call with Doyoung right after the wedding. He remembers the spitting fury and the betrayal in his voice, the pain of a brother who had to endure the sight of their father walking down the aisle with someone that wasn’t their mother alone.

 _How could you do that to him? To us?_ Doyoung’s voice was shaking, thick with emotion. And then, in a weaker whisper, _Donghyuck,_ **_I_ ** _needed you to be there too, not just him._

Donghyuck remembers Doyoung gradually pulling away after that. He remembers the increasing number of unanswered phone calls. Donghyuck’s apologetic messages left unread, his attempts at reconciliation ignored. 

They both got better with time, Donghyuck never really faulted his brother for reacting the way he did. But still, he couldn’t have gone, not after seeing what the news had done to their mother, how devastated she had been afterwards. 

He looks back sometimes, and a bitter, irrational part of him can’t help but blame the wedding for ruining his relationship with his brother. 

These days, Donghyuck wonders when he became so selfish. 

* * *

The week leading up to Friday had Donghyuck swamped with work, pre-conference deadlines looming in like a dark cloud over his head. It’s another late night in the lab, almost everyone already having left hours ago. Donghyuck feels the beginnings of another stress migraine in the back of his head, and he wishes he could go home.

He hears a knock on his office door and looks up from his laptop to see Jaemin lifting up a plastic bag, sheepish smile in place.

“Dinner?” Jaemin says, “I heard from a little birdie that you’ve been stuck here all day and needed rescuing.” 

“You’re a godsend,” Donghyuck smiles tiredly, the impromptu visit a welcomed distraction. “Did Mark send you?”

Jaemin nods, setting aside some of Donghyuck’s papers to make room on his desk. “He texted to see if I was still on campus and asked me to check up on you. Why are you still here?”

“Abstract submissions are due in like three days, and I’m nowhere near done analyzing this set.” Donghyuck lets out a groan as he stretches in his seat. “Trying to get it all in now, so I don’t have to come in on the weekend.”

“Oh? Not slaving away on the weekends like the rest of us poor suckers?” Jaemin says jokingly. 

Donghyuck snorts. “Unfortunately, some of us actually have lives outside the bench,” he replies. “We’re meeting Doyoung hyung for lunch tomorrow, then Mark has something planned for the day after.”

“I’m jealous,” Jaemin pouts. “I’ll be stuck here doing transfections all by my lonesome, with no one around to suffer with me.”

“Sucks to suck,” Donghyuck laughs. “There’s no way I’m missing my anniversary just to be miserable with you in TC.”

“Anniversary?” Jaemin quirks an eyebrow at that. “Have you talked to Mark about the _M-word_ yet?”

Donghyuck sighs around a mouthful of food. “No, not yet.” 

“Why not?”

He sets his chopsticks down, appetite quickly waning. “We got… distracted,” Donghyuck replies. “Some stuff came up that day, and it didn’t seem like a good time to bring it up.” _More like I managed to jump the gun a bit too early,_ he thinks. 

Jaemin gives him a concerned look. “What happened?” 

Donghyuck tells him about the visit to the studio—seeing Taeyong again, Johnny asking them that godforsaken question, his knee-jerk dismissal and Mark’s subsequent reaction to his answer. The guilt comes back at the recollection, his stomach turning in knots. 

“We’re okay now though,” Donghyuck says, aiming for flippant. _At least, I think we are. I hope._ “Everything’s fine.”

“Hyuck,” Jaemin starts slowly, frowning. “Surely, you can’t really mean that?” 

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “What?” 

“Like, are you really sure Mark hyung’s okay with all of this? Are you guys really on the same page here?”

“He knows how I feel about this,” Donghyuck shifts uncomfortably in his seat. _There’s no way he doesn’t._ “It just isn’t the right time. For either of us.”

Jaemin leans back, his gaze serious. “... Don’t you think you’re being a little too unreasonable here?”

Donghyuck looks up sharply. “What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“I’m just saying, you’re not being fair to Mark hyung at all right now?” Jaemin says pointedly. “How could you expect him to know what’s going on in your head if you’ve never actually sat him down and told him? Have you ever stopped to consider what _he_ feels about all this?” 

Indignation flashes through him. _"Of course,_ I have! You don’t think I spend all my time fucking worrying about what he thinks?” Donghyuck says hotly. “Especially when every person we know seems to think it’s a _great_ idea to keep asking what’s taking us so long?” 

Jaemin runs a hand through his hair in aggravation. “Then why are you still avoiding the topic?”

Donghyuck huffs. “Because it’s no one’s business butting into our relationship like this! I don’t understand why everyone keeps thinking they know what’s best for _us—”_

Jaemin holds a hand up, stopping his tirade. “You’re missing the point, Hyuck. I’m not asking you to go out there and marry him right _now,_ you idiot. You’re clearly not ready. I’m just telling you that you need to _talk_ to him before he starts jumping to the wrong conclusions.” 

Donghyuck says nothing in reply. He shuts his eyes, the pounding pressure from his headache coming back in full force. A few moments pass in uncomfortable silence. Eventually, he hears Jaemin heave a sigh, an exasperated _‘stubborn asshole’_ thrown in his direction before he gets up, leaving Donghyuck to stew in his thoughts alone. 

“Look, I’m saying this because I care about the both of you,” Jaemin reaches for the door and looks back at Donghyuck, voice low. “Don’t you think Mark hyung deserves better than to be led on like this? What you’re doing is kind of cruel, Hyuck.”

* * *

Donghyuck gets home late that night, somber and not really in the mood to talk. He walks into their bedroom to see Mark already asleep, curled up on his side of the bed. Donghyuck can’t help the shame that begins to burn in his chest at the sight of his boyfriend, thinking about Jaemin’s last words to him. 

He wordlessly slides into the blanket, wrapping an arm around Mark’s waist as he presses his face into the back of his shirt. Mark seems to startle awake at that, quickly turning around to ask him what’s wrong. 

Belatedly, Donghyuck realizes that he’s shaking.

“Hyuck?” Mark’s voice is sickened with worry, arms coming around to pull him in closer. “Are you crying? What happened?”

He moves to bury himself deeper into Mark’s embrace, hiding his face against his chest. Silent, barely suppressed sobs wrack his frame as he shakes his head over and over. The guilt builds up thickly in his throat, preventing him from telling Mark what he wants to say. What he _needs_ to say. 

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._ The apologies repeat in his head like a mantra, years of insecurities and doubts rising within him like a storm, and he’s helpless, drowning against the waves. 

Mark holds him close until he calms down, whispered murmurs of _it’s okay, baby,_ and _I’m here, you’re okay,_ fill the air as Donghyuck’s trembles come to a stop. He’s exhausted, physically and emotionally, and he welcomes the silence that sleep brings to his thoughts.

* * *

The morning after is a quiet affair, both of them having taken half the day off for their lunch with Doyoung later on. Mark lets Donghyuck sleep in, seeing how badly the other was shaken up last night, moving to his studio to give him some space. Donghyuck has never been one to be coddled after a breakdown, preferring to be left alone to process things by himself. 

Donghyuck wakes up eventually, cheeks heating in embarrassment at the thought of last night. He zones out in bed for a while before getting up and making them a light breakfast in lieu of an apology. 

Coffees in hand, he knocks on the door to Mark’s studio before entering. 

Mark’s wearing his headphones, back turned to the door. He probably didn’t hear Donghyuck come in. Donghyuck sets the mugs down and moves to wrap his arms around Mark’s shoulders in a hesitant back hug. Mark removes his gear and turns his full attention onto him, waiting for him to speak first. 

“Thanks for putting up with me,” Donghyuck mumbles, tightening his arms around him. 

“There’s nothing to thank me for, Hyuck,” Mark replies, “as long as you’re okay.” He unwinds Donghyuck’s arms from him and turns his chair around to face him. 

“Now, are you gonna tell me what that was all about?” Mark asks. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you that bad.” 

While neither of them are strangers to each others’ spontaneous breakdowns—not after everything they’ve been through together—Donghyuck’s previous episodes were never about _this._

How could he tell Mark that he was afraid of risking their future together for something that he knows the other wants _so badly?_ That he was terrified of the possibility of losing Mark to the complications of marriage? Or that he’s been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Mark to grow tired of having to wait for him?

“Not yet,” Donghyuck whispers. “Please don’t ask me yet.” _About last night, or about marrying you. Not yet._

Whether Mark caught on to the double entendre, he doesn’t know, but he stares into Donghyuck’s red-rimmed eyes for a long moment before nodding. 

“Not yet, I promise.”

* * *

The drive to the restaurant has Donghyuck becoming more and more restless the closer they get. His head’s still a bit of a mess from yesterday, the nervous energy manifesting itself in bitten nails and a bouncing leg. Mark takes a hand off the wheel to stop him from fidgeting, a wry smile plastered onto his face.

“Calm down, Hyuck,” Mark says with a chuckle. “You’re making _me_ nervous.”

“Sorry, can’t help it,” Donghyuck sheepishly apologizes. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen him, I’m excited but I also kinda wanna throw up, y’know?” 

Doyoung’s already seated at the table waiting for them, but it seems like he’s alone. Donghyuck sees him look up from his phone, politely waving them over as they walk in. 

“Donghyuck,” Doyoung smiles up at him and turns to Mark, giving him a quick nod in greeting. “Thanks for coming on such short notice. It’s good to see you both.”

“It’s been a while, hyung. It was good to hear from you.” They move to settle into their seats, Mark ordering their drinks as Donghyuck leans forward, a teasing smile aimed at his brother. He gestures to the empty seat across from them. “So? Where’s the guest of honor?” 

Donghyuck jumps as he feels a pair of hands land on his shoulders, hearing a familiar voice whisper into his ear. “Right behind you.” 

He whips around so quickly, grinning so wide his cheeks are already starting to hurt. “No fucking way!” Mark looks shell-shocked beside him, eyes looking back and forth between Doyoung and the newest addition to their table. 

Taeyong chuckles as he slides into the seat next to Doyoung. “C’mon, you guys can’t tell me you weren’t expecting this, even a little bit?” 

Donghyuck lets out a disbelieving laugh at the sight of them together. “Oh my god, your mystery boyfriend was _Taeyong hyung?”_

“This… actually explains a lot,” Mark says. “No wonder you’ve been so weird at the studio lately. You _knew.”_

“You have no idea how hard it was for me not to say anything all week,” Taeyong shakes his head. “Though I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on it after Donghyuck’s visit.”

Donghyuck brandishes his arm out to the table in jest. “I think one of you has to pinch me because I’m pretty sure 6-year-old Donghyuck’s still dreaming. I can’t believe it.”

Doyoung looks on at their antics with amused exasperation, expression softening into something more tender when he focuses on the man next to him. Donghyuck’s never seen him look so smitten before—knows the look of quiet affection on his brother’s face quite well. 

It’s how Mark looks at _him,_ after all. 

“Well, you better believe it,” Doyoung says wryly. “Because I think this one’s sticking around for a little while.” 

Taeyong scoffs, smacking Doyoung’s arm in retaliation. “A little while, my ass.” 

That’s when Donghyuck sees it, a simple silver band resting on Taeyong’s left ring finger. His breath hitches, quickly looking at his brother’s hand for confirmation. The confusion must show on his face when he doesn’t find what he’s looking for because Doyoung smirks, reaching into his collar to pull out a chain. 

There’s the ring. 

“I can’t wear it during rounds, it messes with the gloves,” Doyoung explains. “But uh, surprise? We’re engaged?”

“How? Wh— Since _when?”_ Donghyuck exclaims, at the same time as Mark catches on and wishes them an excited _“Congratulations!”_ beside him.

“Remember that travelling fellowship I told you about last year?” Doyoung says. “Well, I ended up in dad’s old city, in that hospital right by our elementary school.” He shrugs then, directing a small smile over to Taeyong, who mirrors it in return. 

“Your brother tracked me down and wouldn’t leave me alone, not even after he’d gone back home,” Taeyong says. ”We’ve been together just a little over a year now, I think? Officially, at least. He proposed last month.” He sends the younger duo a cheeky wink, causing Doyoung to let out a quiet groan in embarrassment. 

Donghyuck’s rendered speechless at the revelation. He’d always assumed that his brother shared the same sentiments as him regarding marriages, but here he is, engaged to someone he’d only been dating for a year. 

“N-not that I’m not super happy for you guys, I am, really! But like, isn’t it a bit too soon?” Donghyuck says the last part weakly. 

Doyoung’s brows furrow, mouth opening so as to reprimand him for being rude, but Taeyong puts a hand on his arm and holds him back. “It’s fine,” Taeyong says. “It’s just… when you know someone’s it, you just _know,_ I guess? I don’t think it really matters how long you’ve been together.”

Mark’s hand, which had been resting on Donghyuck’s thigh throughout the conversation, gives him a light squeeze at Taeyong’s words. Donghyuck lays his hand on top of Mark’s and squeezes back, but he doesn’t look at him. Donghyuck’s afraid of the expression he’ll find on Mark’s face. 

Mark can sense his growing unease, squeezing his thigh one more time in reassurance before addressing the older couple. “Like Hyuck said, we really are happy for you guys,” Mark grins. “Do you have a date yet?”

Taeyong nods. “It’s actually about three months from now? Sorry for not telling you guys sooner. It’s really nothing big though, just something small with close family and friends.” 

“Speaking of which,” Doyoung clears his throat, albeit a little awkwardly. “There’s actually another reason we asked you guys out today,” he says nervously, looking right at Donghyuck. “I, ah, was actually wondering if you’d like to be my best man for the wedding?”

Donghyuck is stunned speechless, but Doyoung isn’t done, words rambling out faster as Donghyuck’s silence stretches on. “Of course, you don’t _have_ to. I mean, only if you’re comfortable with it? I know that we… didn’t really see eye to eye back then,” his voice gets quieter, more apologetic. “But I was hoping maybe we could start over? If you’ll let me.”

It’s an olive branch, Donghyuck realizes. A second chance.

“I... hyung, I’m honoured? I really don’t know what to say…” Donghyuck trails off. “But, uh, will you give me some time to think it over?” 

Mark turns towards him, brows furrowed in confusion at his question. “Hyuck, what—” 

Doyoung shakes his head. “No, Mark, it’s okay.” He looks back at Donghyuck, a remorseful smile on his face. “And of course, Hyuck, take all the time you need. I know this was pretty sudden but… I’ve been meaning to apologize. Properly, for before.” _For not giving you a chance to explain, for all the lost time,_ Donghyuck hears. “It’d mean the world to me if you were there.”

Donghyuck’s heart aches at the honesty in his brother’s voice, throat clenching in a rush of emotions. “I’m sorry too,” he croaks out. “I can’t make any promises… but I’ll think about it. Thank you, hyung.” 

At Doyoung’s grateful nod, Donghyuck lets out a wet chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “Although I gotta warn you, I probably won’t make for a very good best man even if I do say yes.”

Taeyong snorts. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about a thing,” he points a thumb in Doyoung’s direction. “Your brother’s already taken care of everything anyway, wouldn’t even let _me_ lift a finger.” 

Taeyong leans back and reaches for his drink, eyes twinkling as he looks up at them over the rim of his cup. “But who knows, you might learn a thing or two for your guys’ own wedding.”

Donghyuck’s back stiffens and Mark’s hand stills under the table, comforting ministrations coming to a stop. 

_Not again._

Donghyuck hears Mark let out an uneasy laugh. “I’m pretty sure I’d be a lost cause in that department though,” Mark says jokingly, throwing a nervous glance over in his direction. “Hyuck’s usually better at planning these kinds of things out than I am. I’d probably end up choosing the wrong color for the napkins.” 

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Taeyong grins. “With the way you gush about Donghyuck at work, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve already had a wedding planned since the beginning.” The wink he sends Donghyuck’s way was meant to be teasing, but it does nothing to alleviate the weight he feels settling in his stomach. 

Color floods Mark’s cheeks at the accusation. “Ah, w-well,” he stutters. “I wouldn’t go that far? I mean—not really?” Mark keeps stealing glances at Donghyuck from the corner of his eye. “It’s not really something I’m worrying about right now…”

Doyoung looks on silently between the two boys in front of him. Donghyuck is staring down resolutely at the table, refusing to make eye contact with any of them. Doyoung turns his attention to Mark—despite the limited number of times he’s seen them together, he’s no fool. 

“Mark, do you really mean that?”

Irritation zips through Donghyuck, sudden and unbridled, as he feels Mark tense next to him. 

“Hyung,” Donghyuck snaps, making Mark flinch beside him. _“Don’t.”_

Doyoung ignores him. “Mark, honestly. Did you mean that?”

“O-of course, I do—” 

“No,” Donghyuck interrupts. “Hyung, it’s none of your business—”

“Donghyuck,” Doyoung hisses. “I’m asking _Mark,_ not you.” 

“I—” Mark begins, voice painfully small. “Yeah... I did.” He glances over at Donghyuck one last time, before shrinking into his seat. “I—um, we’re okay... with the way things are right now. We’re in no rush to get married.”

Donghyuck’s heart is beating furiously in his chest. Doyoung is looking at them with something akin to pity, and Donghyuck wants to run away. Away from this conversation, and away from his brother’s knowing eyes. 

“Hyuck—” Doyoung begins again, but this time, it’s Taeyong that holds him back with a hard on his arm and a minute shake of his head. 

Doyoung sighs. “Why?” he asks, directing the question to the both of them. “Just… why?”

Donghyuck knew it was inevitable. He looks down and his hands are shaking again. He brings them together in front of him, trying to control the tremors. “Mark and I…” Donghyuck begins weakly, “we—I don’t think... we ever will...” He closes his eyes, clasps his hands tighter. “It just isn’t for us, getting married.”

He feels Mark freeze beside him. A beat passes before he hears Mark breathe out a shaky exhale. “... I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me.” He gets up abruptly, making his way out of the restaurant in a rush. 

Donghyuck wants to follow him, but he can’t. He has no right to, not after what he just said. He’s rooted onto his seat, the weight of his brother and Taeyong’s stares pinning him down. The guilt rising in him is near suffocating. 

“Donghyuck.”

He looks up. Doyoung’s eyes are impossibly sad, but there’s none of the judgement that Donghyuck was expecting. 

“Hyuck,” His brother’s tone is kinder than what he deserves. “You’re doing it again, aren’t you?”

Donghyuck looks away in shame, but Doyoung continues. 

“Please don’t let what happened to us happen to you and Mark. Neither of you deserve that.” 

* * *

Donghyuck follows Mark out of the restaurant not too long after, finding the other man hunched over the wheel in the driver’s seat of the car. There are no tears, just Mark staring unblinkingly into the dashboard. Donghyuck quietly gets into the passenger’s seat, and Mark straightens up with another deep sigh before wordlessly starting the car. 

The entire ride back home is silent, Mark not having so much as even looked in Donghyuck’s direction since they left. They get back to the apartment and Mark makes a beeline for the studio, closing the door behind him without looking back. 

Donghyuck knows better than to breach his space, not now—not while the wound’s still fresh.

He knows he has to go back to campus soon, both of them still having to work the rest of the day. Donghyuck thinks it’s probably for the best, a welcomed distraction from the war going on in his head. He’s still got about an hour before he has to leave, so he sets about making Mark a quick dinner to leave in the fridge. 

Just as he’s about to leave, he passes by the closed door to Mark’s studio. He hesitates, before knocking twice. 

“Mark,” Donghyuck says through the door. “I’m sorry.” 

No answer. 

He sighs, and leaves for school. 

* * *

Donghyuck gets home at around 10 in the evening that night, a haze of bone-deep exhaustion settling into him. Mark’s studio is still closed. He tries for the door again, knocking twice before calling out for his boyfriend. 

Still no answer.

His heart clenches painfully in his chest, thinking about how Mark must be feeling. His eyes sting with unshed tears, but none of them fall.

“Mark,” Donghyuck chokes out. “Please,” he leans his forehead against the door. “I love you. Just... _please,_ don’t forget that.” 

Minutes tick by and Donghyuck is greeted by nothing but silence. He sighs one last time before heading to bed. 

He lies on his side for hours, unable to sleep. Their bedroom is almost completely dark, save for the faint slivers of moonlight passing through the curtains. It’s well past midnight by the time he hears Mark enter their room, and Donghyuck feigns sleep, not knowing how to face him quite yet. 

Donghyuck hears Mark quietly shuffle around the room before he feels his side of the bed dip, Mark sitting next to his supposedly sleeping form. Mark’s hand ghosts over his cheek, moving up to brush his hair away from his face. His touch is tender, even now, and Donghyuck feels his heart break a little more when Mark pulls away. 

Mark sleeps with his back to Donghyuck that night. He doesn’t think their bed has ever been this cold. 

* * *

The next morning arrives and Mark’s already gone when Donghyuck wakes up. He rolls over to see Mark’s side of the bed empty and he briefly wonders if he should just go back to sleep. 

He eventually gets up, freshening up in their bathroom before leaving their bedroom. Mark’s standing by the kitchen counter, nursing a mug in his hands. He’s looking directly at Donghyuck as he enters the room.

Donghyuck hesitates by the door. He doesn’t know where they stand with each other right now, and it hurts. 

Mark sets his coffee aside, and when he speaks, his voice is hoarse. He’s tired. “I don’t want to fight. Not today.” 

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuck apologizes again. “... I don’t want to fight either.”

Mark studies him for a moment before he nods, arms opening in invitation. Donghyuck makes his way over and tentatively reaches out, Mark tugging him into a hug over the last few steps. 

“... Happy anniversary.” 

“Happy anniversary, Hyuck.” 

They stay like that for a moment, just basking in each other’s presence. “Are we… are we okay?” Donghyuck mumbles into Mark’s shoulder. 

Mark just sighs, holds him even tighter. “We will be,” he shifts, pulling back from the embrace and bracing his hands on Donghyuck’s shoulder. “But I have something to ask of you.”

“Anything.”

Mark’s eyes are unreadable as he meets Donghyuck’s pleading gaze. “Say yes to your brother.” 

Donghyuck freezes. “What?” 

“If not for him, I want you to attend his wedding as a favor to me. Please.” 

He searches Mark’s face, unsure of what he’s looking for. 

“... Okay,” Donghyuck reluctantly agrees. “Yeah, okay, I’ll go.” 

Mark breaks out into a small relieved smile, and Donghyuck can’t help the rush of emotion that floods him at how much he’s missed it. He moves forward and wraps his arms around Mark’s waist, pulling him back into an embrace. 

“I love you. I’m sorry again, about everything.” 

“I know.” Mark whispers. He frames Donghyuck’s face in his hands, caressing his cheek. “But I… can’t say I forgive you. Not yet, anyway.” 

Donghyuck closes his eyes at the admission and nods. He goes back to bury his face into Mark’s shirt, thinking about everything and nothing all at once. 

It’s overwhelming, but as long as Mark’s still there, they still have a chance. That’s all that matters. 

“Hey, Mark?”

“Hm?”

“... Can we just stay home today?”

Mark looks over to their window, the curtains thrown open to show the pitter-pat of rain amongst gray skies—the rolling beginnings of a thunderstorm just barely visible on the horizon. 

_How appropriate,_ Donghyuck thinks. 

“Yeah, okay,” Mark says. “Home, it is.”

* * *

There’s an awkward tension that lingers on in the days following their anniversary, a distance between them that stretches on between stilted conversations and hesitant touches—both parties walking eggshells around each other.

Neither of them see much of the other as the week passes by. Mark starts spending more time in the studio downtown instead of his office at home, while Donghyuck starts staying in the lab later and later into the evening, often coming home well past dinner just to head straight to their room to pass out.

It’s fragile, what they have now.

They don’t talk about it. 

* * *

Donghyuck heaves a tired sigh as he walks into their apartment. It’s been a rough couple of days in the lab, failed experiment after failed experiment starting to get to him. Just to top it off, he’d forgotten one of his hard drives in the rush out this morning and he couldn’t get any work done without it.

He figures he’d drop by home to pick it up, and be in and out before they’d notice he was gone. 

Not even bothering to take off his shoes, Donghyuck makes his way into the living room. He’s about to call out for Mark when he hears raised voices coming in from the studio. 

“Johnny, _stop.”_ Mark’s frustrated voice carries through the door’s small opening. Donghyuck’s taken aback by the volume of his voice. Judging by the lack of response, he figures Mark must be on the phone. _Maybe something’s going on at work?_

They must have been talking long before he got home, if the roughness of Mark’s voice is anything to go by. Donghyuck knows he shouldn’t intrude, knows that this isn’t any of his business. He goes to make a quiet exit when he hears— 

_“Of course,_ I want to marry him!” 

Donghyuck feels his insides freeze, his heart stuttering as the familiar rush of anxiety fills his veins. _Get out of here, Donghyuck, get out, get out, get out, this isn’t for you to hear._

Mark’s voice continues to carry through the air, echoing in the otherwise silent apartment. 

“You don’t understand, I _can’t—”_ Mark cuts off. “I know, Johnny, I _know._ It… it’s not about me, though—” 

A brief pause.

“It doesn’t matter what I think!” 

Donghyuck’s heart is pounding so hard, his hands are shaking. It’s everything he’s been trying so hard to deny, everything he _never_ wanted to confront. Mark’s feelings, raw and unfiltered, all laid out right there in front of him.

“Of course, I knew.” The resignation in Mark’s voice is clear. “I’ve known since the beginning, but I’d hoped—” 

There’s a longer pause. Donghyuck waits with bated breath. 

“I don’t—”

Mark’s voice trembles.

“I don’t know.” 

* * *

The first time Donghyuck had brought it up was during a nondescript weekend evening, a little over a year into their relationship. It was one of their first real days off together in their new apartment—the first few weeks flying by in a flurry of housewarming parties and new classes. 

It was a quiet night in, just the two of them. They were laying in bed, Donghyuck’s head in Mark’s lap as the latter’s fingers carded through his hair, watching a reality show bride-to-be argue with her fiancée on the TV. 

“I still have no idea why you like watching this kind of stuff?” Mark had asked at the time. “It all looks so scripted?” 

Donghyuck had snorted, eyes not straying from the screen. “Of course, it’s scripted,” he said, “I mean it’s a wedding? Everything about it is fake.” 

Mark’s hand had frozen in its tracks. “What do you mean?” he asked. Mark was alluding more towards the fact that the drama seemed a bit over the top, but Donghyuck’s answer caught him off guard.

“I mean, yeah, it’s all perfect and pretty for like, that _one day,_ but that doesn’t mean that they’re gonna be living a happily ever after like these shows want you to think,” Donghyuck had reached up to bring Mark’s hand down and laced their fingers together, tucking their joint hands against his chest. 

“The entire thing’s a bit of a farce, really,” Donghyuck quietly added. “A wedding sure as hell won’t promise you forever, so why go through all the trouble? All that work for something that might just hurt you more later on.” He said that last bit quietly, almost like a confession.

“... Is that really how you feel about marriage?” 

Donghyuck had noticed the uneasy tone in Mark’s voice, bringing their hands up to kiss Mark’s knuckles in reassurance. “You don’t need a big party or a piece of paper to prove how much you love someone, don’t you think?”

He tries not to think about how sad Mark had sounded back then—tries not to forget about the way Mark had held him close for the rest of the night, just a little bit tighter than usual. 

* * *

Donghyuck’s still standing in his spot in the living room, long after he can no longer hear Mark’s voice from beyond the door. The silence is near deafening, the ringing in his ears keeping him rooted in place. 

_I don’t know? What does he mean? I don’t know if I can keep waiting for him? I don’t know if he’s worth it anymore?_ These kinds of questions spin themselves around in his head, and Donghyuck finds that he doesn’t know if he could deal with the answers he’d be given. 

He doesn’t react fast enough when he sees the door open to reveal Mark’s shocked face. 

“Donghyuck,” Mark’s voice is shaky. “How long have you been home?” 

Mark knows. He knows Donghyuck overheard everything, if the look on his face is anything to go by. 

Donghyuck opens his mouth to speak, but no sound comes out. He’s scared, Donghyuck realizes. Scared of saying the wrong thing and fucking up their already strained circumstance. He can feel something start to shift between them and he feels powerless to stop it. 

Mark sighs. “Hyuck, look, I think we need to talk—” 

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Donghyuck thinks that maybe it’s just become a habit at this point, an instinctual answer formed over the years whenever he feels trapped. He watches as Mark recoils, expression twisting into something pained, the flash of hurt in his eyes inescapable. 

“Donghyuck—”

Donghyuck shakes his head, taking an unconscious step back. The action makes Mark’s eyes shutter close, his face taking on a painfully neutral expression. When he opens his eyes again, they’re cold. Mark’s never looked at Donghyuck like this before and that’s how he knows that he’s fucked up irrevocably. 

“Fine,” Mark says curtly. “Not yet.” 

The hurt around him is palpable, there’s a distance between them that Donghyuck can feel grow wider with each passing second. _‘Not yet. Please don’t ask me yet.’_ Donghyuck had pleaded earlier that week. How ironic was it that those same words—said to prevent this all from happening in the first place—were being thrown right back in his face. 

Mark moves, stiffly walking past him and that breaks Donghyuck out of his stupor.

“Mark, wait—”

“I’m going out to the studio. Don’t bother waiting up tonight.” Mark’s out the door before Donghyuck could protest, the soft click of their front door isn’t loud, but it echoes in his ears nonetheless. 

Donghyuck stands alone in the living room, left with nothing but regrets and a heavily pounding heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/dhyuckiees) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/dhyuckIees)
> 
> rip markhyuck ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been a little over a week, and things between him and Mark haven’t gotten any better.

Donghyuck looks up from his spot on the couch when he hears the sound of the front door open. Mark walks in and he looks as run down as Donghyuck feels. Neither of them have gotten a good night’s rest since the fight, Mark having gone back to the routine of coming to bed only after Donghyuck has already fallen asleep.

It’s almost one in the morning and Mark stops short when he sees Donghyuck awake. He gives Donghyuck a short nod in acknowledgement before moving towards their bedroom.

“I’m going to bed,” Mark says, voice clipped, not even bothering to address Donghyuck directly. Hand on the door, he turns back to eye the papers scattered all over the table in front of Donghyuck and his laptop. “Don’t stay up too late.”

Mark closes the door behind him without waiting for a reply.

Donghyuck sighs, slumping down sideways and resting his forehead against the armrest. God, he’s so tired of this. It’s been a week of terse conversations and Mark avoiding him like the plague—at least, as much as he can avoid Donghyuck while living with him.

He knows he probably deserves this. He keeps telling himself that he should give Mark some space to cool off.

But Donghyuck knows that really, he’s just stalling. They’re past the point of half-assed apologies.

He shuts his eyes, huffing out a shaky exhale. It’s becoming all too familiar now, the feeling of not being able to breathe. His chest tightens at the thought of talking to Mark—coupled with the constant dread of waiting for everything to come tumbling down, it’s starting to feel like no matter what he does right now, it’d be the wrong move.

Donghyuck reaches out for his phone, buried under a pile of highlighted text. He opens up Doyoung’s message from a few days ago, still unanswered.

_‘Come over for dinner? It’ll be just you and me. I think we need to talk.’_

Donghyuck stares at his phone unblinkingly, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. He looks back up at the closed door of their bedroom and thinks about Mark, who’s probably still awake, curled up alone on his side of the bed.

He swallows the lump in his throat and thinks that maybe it’s finally time to face the music.

Typing out a quick reply, Donghyuck hits send before he can second guess himself.

_‘How’s tomorrow night?’_

* * *

“Do you want a drink?”

Doyoung calls out to him from somewhere behind his fridge, looking up at Donghyuck’s slouched form by the sofa. “Honestly, you kind of look like you could use one.”

Donghyuck shoots his brother a tired smile. "Yeah, anything's fine. Thanks, hyung."

He hears the clinking of wine glasses being set down on the coffee table, Doyoung filling his glass as he takes a seat on the floor next to him. Takeout trays littered around them, Taeyong had left earlier in the evening to give the siblings their space.

Doyoung fidgets uncomfortably, turning towards Donghyuck with a remorseful look on his face. "Before we start, I just wanted to apologize for last time. I shouldn't have pushed Mark the way I did and I'm sorry for that. It wasn’t my place, and I crossed a line."

Donghyuck studies him for a moment before looking back down, fingers playing with the stem of his glass. "I'm not mad at you, hyung. I knew you were only looking out for him, and it was my fault for being such an ass about it too."

"I was worried about the both of you, Donghyuck. Not just Mark."

Donghyuck’s lips twitch up in a small smile, despite everything. He's missed this. Missed _them._ There's a certain relief in knowing he has someone in his corner, despite all of his stupid decisions.

"But I've gotta ask," Doyoung continues. “What was that all about? I’ve never seen you act that way before.” He tentatively rests a hand on Donghyuck’s knee, unsure. "I know it's been a while... but you know you can talk to me, right? About anything. You're still my brother, Donghyuck, and I hate seeing you like this."

That makes Donghyuck pause, looking up into Doyoung's expectant eyes. He feels something give inside of him, like a crack in a dam that's been filled to the brim for years. He thinks about where it all started—when he first started questioning his dwindling faith in marriages.

Donghyuck looks down, his voice lowering to a whisper. "Do you know what mom was like, right after the divorce?"

Doyoung looks thrown off by the sudden change in subject, but he recovers quickly. Much like Donghyuck had been distanced from his father after the divorce, Doyoung hadn't seen much of their mother over the years. They’ve never been particularly close.

"I... can't say I really do? I mean, I knew she wasn't happy with dad getting re-married."

"The divorce left her _devastated,_ hyung. It hurt her so badly, even after all those years," Donghyuck's voice cracks a little at the recollection. “It used to hurt her to even look at me sometimes, she said I reminded her too much of dad.”

“What?”

Donghyuck looks away, mouth twisting into a frown. "She hated him. After everything they went through together, she still ended up hating him.” His fingers clench around the carpet under him. “I never want to subject either of us to that. I can't lose _Mark_ to something like that."

Their parents had loved each other, once—had meant the whole world to each other. _They were happy._

And yet.

"Donghyuck," Doyoung’s voice wavers. “I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t know. I should’ve been there—”

Donghyuck cuts him off with a shake of his head. "It's not your fault, hyung. You and dad were happy about moving on, and I... didn’t want to ruin that."

“Is this why you didn’t go to dad’s wedding?” Doyoung asks, quietly.

He nods, shame settling in his gut at the admission. “I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t.”

Doyoung says nothing for a while, setting his own glass down with a pensive look on his face. Donghyuck turns his attention to the muted television in front of them, flashes of light dancing across his eyes. He tries to ignore when Doyoung turns his gaze onto him, questioning and far too perceptive for his own good.

“But… you’re not just talking about the wedding anymore, are you?”

Donghyuck doesn’t answer him.

“So, is this why you and Mark have been avoiding each other lately?”

Donghyuck looks at him from the corner of his eye, surprise coloring his features. “You knew?”

"Taeyong mentioned that he's practically been living at the studio these days. He’s getting worried. Was it because of what happened at the restaurant?"

Donghyuck bides his time and goes to take another long sip of his wine, the bittersweet taste burning down his throat. "I mean, kind of? But things didn't really blow up until afterwards," and then, in a weaker voice, "I think I fucked up, hyung. Really bad."

He tells Doyoung about walking into Mark's phone call with Johnny, and everything that transpired after.

Donghyuck leans back against the foot of the couch, looking up at the ceiling to avoid Doyoung's concerned eyes. "I just—I didn't mean to shut him down like that, you know? I feel horrible about it."

Doyoung's quiet for a while. "You and Mark have been together for so long, Donghyuck. Why are you so afraid of talking to him? I just don't understand why you keep running away."

"I'm not running away from him," Donghyuck protests.

"You're hurting him, Hyuck."

Donghyuck squeezes his eyes shut, a fresh wave of guilt washing through him. "I know."

He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget Mark’s face as he walked out of their apartment that day. He wants to fix things between them so badly, but he doesn’t know where to start.

“You love him.” It was a statement, not a question. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in Doyoung’s voice.

“More than anything,” Donghyuck whispers. "I just don't know what to do," he adds, teeth worrying his bottom lip in a nervous habit. "I love him, hyung. I really do, and I don't want him to think otherwise just because I don't want to marry him. It's just—"

"You're not ready," Doyoung finishes for him. "And it's fine if you're not. But you really need to talk to him about _why_ you're not ready. You've gotta look at everything that’s happened from his perspective, what your dismissals might look like to him."

Then, Doyoung gives him a helpless shrug. "You guys have been together for what? Eight years now? I don't really fault Mark for reading into things more than he can help. He's probably as lost as you are, about all of this."

"I know," Donghyuck repeats, weakly.

"Now, I've only met Mark a handful of times, but I can tell you with absolutely no doubt in my mind that _he loves you,_ Donghyuck. Anyone with eyes can see how much he does." Doyoung’s voice is earnest, almost painful in its sincerity, and Donghyuck could only nod in response.

He watches as Doyoung looks down, fiddling with his own ring, tracing its outline around his finger. It’s a loaded gesture, Donghyuck thinks, even more so as Doyoung says, "He doesn't want to marry you because everyone thinks you should, or because he feels obligated to. Mark wants to because he loves you, and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. It’s as simple as that."

Donghyuck swallows thickly, feeling the tears in the back of his throat. "What… what do you think I should do?"

Doyoung hums at that, a thoughtful look on his face, then he shakes his head. "I can’t answer that for you, Donghyuck. Only you will know what to do for the both of you, when you think the time is right. Mark would probably do anything to keep you by his side, even if it meant denying himself of the one thing he wants the most."

Donghyuck sighs, leaning his head down to rest against his brother's shoulder. One of Doyoung's hands comes up to comb through his hair—a comforting gesture from when they were kids.

"What it'll come down to, I think, is whether you want to keep denying him of that yourself," Doyoung says. "You should have a little more faith in yourselves, don’t you think? Try not to get too caught up in other people’s expectations. This is your relationship, your story, and only _you_ get to decide how it plays out."

Doyoung drops his hand, gently nudging his shoulder to get Donghyuck to look back up at him. He smiles then, the same kind smile he used to give a younger Donghyuck, one that made him feel like everything was going to be okay.

"No relationship is guaranteed forever, Donghyuck, and I know you know this. It's just a matter of whether you think Mark is worth the risk, and whether you’re willing to choose him _despite_ it.”

* * *

Donghyuck arrives home from the tailor’s to a quiet apartment. He figures that Mark’s home, but the door to the studio is closed again, so he leaves him be. Garment bag in hand, he makes his way into the bedroom and sets it down on their bed. 

It’s been about a week since his dinner with Doyoung—and after everything was said and done, he’d given in, telling his brother about Mark’s request for him to agree to be his best man. Doyoung had barked out a laugh at the admission. 

_“You brat,”_ Doyoung had said, reaching out to pinch Donghyuck’s cheek in fake anger. He’d smiled afterwards, something softer, more fond as he moved to ruffle Donghyuck’s hair instead. _“But it looks like I have Mark to thank for all of this. He’s good for you, you know?”_

And true to his brother’s nature, he was immediately taken out to get his suit tailored after work the very next day. 

He looks at the suit now, laid out in front of him. The deep navy blue of the fabric is gorgeous, understated but somehow it still fits Doyoung and his personality perfectly. He’d tried it on once before, prior to the alterations, but he was too busy being poked and prodded by needles to appreciate the experience. 

Donghyuck bites his lip, smiling. _Although it probably wouldn’t hurt to try it on again. Just to see if it fits._

He takes his time putting on the suit, carefully so as to not wrinkle the fabric. It fits him perfectly, just as he’d expected, even if he wasn’t used to the stuffy feeling that came along with wearing it.

Donghyuck moves towards their floor-length mirror, tucked in the corner of their room. He looks at himself and almost doesn’t recognize the reflection looking back at him. 

He lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, hands smoothing down the front of his suit. 

A brief image of himself in another kind of suit flashes in his mind’s eye, and instead of the backdrop of his bedroom, he finds himself in front of an altar. 

But Donghyuck blinks, and he’s back to staring at himself in the mirror. 

Sighing, he turns around so he could go back and change, but stops short at the sight of Mark by their bedroom door. He’s frozen, hand on the doorknob, just staring at Donghyuck in his suit with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape. 

Donghyuck can feel Mark’s eyes slide down his body, and for the first time in years, he feels oddly conscious of his gaze. 

“Mark?” 

He watches as Mark’s attention snaps back to his face, lips pressing into a thin line. “Sorry, I… I didn’t know you were home.” 

Donghyuck dithers by the mirror, unsure of what to do with himself. “I got back just a little while ago. I was out with hyung to pick this up.” He gestures down his body. Donghyuck tries to alleviate the tension between them, aims for teasing when he asks, “Well? What do you think?” 

Mark doesn’t take the bait, doesn’t say anything back right away. His eyes look him over once more, an inexplicable emotion behind his eyes when he finally nods. 

“You look amazing.” 

Donghyuck flushes at the genuine compliment. “Oh, um. Thanks.”

He watches as Mark finally looks away, heart dropping as he sees Mark’s expression close back off. Donghyuck moves forward, taking a few steps towards him, but Mark steps back instinctively. 

“I, uh, I’ll be in the studio if you need me.” And he’s out of the room before Donghyuck could chase after him.

Donghyuck runs a frustrated hand through his hair, roughly pulling at his tie. He flops down gracelessly onto the bed with a groan, any thought of trying to keep his suit pristine going out the window. 

He hates how much the tables have turned. He _wants_ to talk to Mark, to apologize to him properly, but now it seems like Mark can’t even stand to be in the same room as him. Although, after everything, he supposes he can hardly blame him. 

Donghyuck lays there for a while, listlessly staring at the ceiling, before getting up with one last sigh to get changed. 

* * *

Days pass with much of the same, Donghyuck’s attempts to sit Mark down and talk to him ignored.

It's well past midnight when he hears the doorbell ring throughout the apartment. Donghyuck gets up in confusion, wondering if Mark had forgotten his key. He opens the front door and is greeted to the sight of Johnny's sheepish grin, and Mark drowsily hanging off his shoulder.

“Uh, special delivery?”

Donghyuck steps aside to let them inside, the smell of alcohol invading his senses as they pass by him. He watches as Johnny staggers over to the couch, Mark’s weight leaning against him, before he unceremoniously drops the younger man onto the cushions. Mark lets out a low whine at the rough treatment, arm coming up to shield his eyes from the harsh light of their living room as he makes himself comfortable.

Donghyuck walks Johnny back to the door, the both of them turning back to look at Mark’s prone form once they're out of earshot.

Johnny lets out an apologetic laugh. "Sorry about all this. I didn’t think he was planning on drinking as much as he did."

“Thanks for bringing him home, hyung.” Donghyuck hesitates before asking, voice quieting to a whisper, "Has he—is he okay?"

Johnny gives him a sad smile in return. "You know how he is. Just... take it easy on him, yeah? Give him a bit more time, I think." He frowns then, brows furrowing in worry. "He's been overworking himself though, so make sure he gets some rest. Tell him that he can take tomorrow off."

Donghyuck nods and thanks him again, Johnny bidding them both a good night before closing the door behind him. He takes his time by the door, breathing in deeply to prepare himself to go back to Mark in the other room.

“Hyuck.”

He jumps at the sound of his name, voice much closer than he was expecting. Donghyuck turns around to come face to face with Mark, just a few steps away. His eyes are still a little glassy, a little unfocused from all the alcohol, but he’s _looking_ at Donghyuck properly for the first time in weeks.

There are a few awkward beats, before Mark looks down, a deliberating look on his face. He lets out a shaky sigh before he moves a couple of steps forward, crowding Donghyuck against the door.

He’s just about to ask if anything was wrong when Mark reaches out, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck’s waist and gingerly leaning his head down onto Donghyuck's shoulder.

Donghyuck is frozen in place, shocked still. He knows this is probably the booze talking, and that Mark wouldn’t be doing this if he was sober right now. He goes to gently push Mark off of him, but the arms around him tighten in response.

“Mark?”

“Just for a second,” Mark croaks out. “Please.”

Donghyuck’s heart breaks a little, feels his resolve to push him away crumble into nothing. His arms hesitantly wrap around Mark’s shoulders in return, pulling him in close. He feels Mark relax fully against him and Donghyuck staggers back against the door at the weight.

Donghyuck sighs, pressing a kiss to the side of Mark’s head before whispering, “I missed you too.”

They stay like that for a moment, just Donghyuck basking in the warmth of Mark’s body against him. He breathes in the smell of liquor and cigarette smoke from the bar, and something that’s just entirely _Mark._ Heady, and painfully familiar.

It takes him a second to realize that Mark’s been mumbling something into his shoulder, muffled words that he can’t quite make out. He pulls back a little to look at Mark’s face. His expression is carefully neutral, gaze averted, but Donghyuck’s stomach drops at the glistening of unshed tears.

Mark tries to blink them away, but the first of his tears fall, trailing down his cheeks. Donghyuck raises a hand to wipe them away, but Mark’s hand catches his wrist in a tight grip.

He hears it then, loud and clear.

“I’m sorry.”

_What?_

He pries away from Mark’s grip, hands coming up to cradle his face. “Mark, no,” Donghyuck says, alarmed. He feels the rising horror at the fact that Mark is the one apologizing when it should be him begging for forgiveness. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who should be saying sorry, not you. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.” 

Mark shakes his head, batting his hands away. His eyes are dark, brows lowered in apparent frustration—at himself or at Donghyuck, he doesn’t know, but Donghyuck watches as a couple more tears make their way down his face.

“I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you, Hyuck—”

“No, Mark,” Donghyuck interrupts. “You had _every_ right to be mad at me.”

Mark continues on anyway, like he didn’t even hear him. "And I—I shouldn't have cornered you like that. I was too caught up in thinking about what I wanted that I forgot you never wanted it in the first place—”

Mark’s starting to ramble, Donghyuck realizes. His words slur a little as he rushes to get everything out, to get Donghyuck to listen to him. This isn’t a conversation they should be having right now, not like this. Not while Mark isn’t completely aware of what he’s saying.

“—And you aren’t ready. I shouldn’t have walked out on you, should’ve waited to hear you out. I’m so sor—”

“Mark, _stop,”_ Donghyuck pleads, desperation seeping into his voice. It’s wrong, so fucking wrong, to hear Mark blaming himself and taking the fall for Donghyuck’s inability to sort his own shit out. “God, please, _please_ don’t apologize.”

That seems to snap Mark out of it, confusion littered across his face. He moves to take a step back, but Donghyuck clutches onto the front of his shirt, keeping him in place.

“We can’t talk about this right now,” Donghyuck says. “Not while you’re still drunk.”

“I’m fine—”

“But _I promise,”_ Donghyuck’s voice cracks a little at the rush of emotions. “I promise you we’ll talk in the morning. But please, for tonight, let’s just go to bed.”

He doesn’t even realize he’s started to cry too, not until Mark raises a hand to caress his face, thumb sweeping across his cheek to catch the stray tears.

Mark moves then, rushing forward to press their mouths together in a frantic kiss. It takes a second for Donghyuck to register what was happening before he lets out a half-choked noise, kissing Mark back just as hard. It’s salty from his tears, and Donghyuck can taste the lingering bitterness of Mark’s drinks from earlier, but _fuck_ if it isn’t perfect.

He thinks about just how much he’s missed Mark these past few weeks—his kisses, how tenderly Mark caresses his face, the feeling of him pressed up against his body. _Everything._

When Mark pulls away, leaning his forehead on Donghyuck’s, his voice is small. “Okay,” he says, “we’ll talk tomorrow.” Mark tries for a smile, but it just looks incredibly sad. “I’ve missed you, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck just kisses him again in response. It’s slower this time, lacking the desperate edge from before, but no less sweet. One of his hands comes up to rest against Mark’s chest, feeling the fast thundering of his heart underneath his palm.

Mark pulls away and presses a final kiss onto Donghyuck’s forehead, his hand falling from where it was cradling Donghyuck’s face to cover the hand over his heart. Donghyuck can feel something within him start to mend, the beginnings of a weight being lifted off his shoulders.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Donghyuck whispers. “You need to rest.”

At Mark’s tired nod, Donghyuck guides them to the bedroom, an arm curled tightly around Mark to keep him steady. After making sure that Mark could get ready on his own, Donghyuck steps out briefly to grab him a glass of water and an aspirin for the morning.

He takes a minute for himself in the kitchen, heart still racing from earlier.

Mark’s already under the sheets by the time he gets back. The lights are already off, the room almost completely dark. Donghyuck sets the items down by Mark’s bedside table and moves to slip into his side of the bed.

He’s not sure how much time passes in silence as he looks at Mark’s body curled up beside him, aching to pull him closer, but unsure if he was allowed to. Donghyuck briefly wonders if he’s already fallen asleep, if he could reach out with Mark none the wiser—

“Stop thinking and just c’mere already,” Mark sleepily mumbles, interrupting his thoughts. A hand reaches out to pull at his shirt, Donghyuck moving to meet Mark in the middle.

He feels Mark nuzzling his face against the crook of his neck, warm breaths fanning across his collarbones and making him shiver. Donghyuck throws an arm around Mark’s waist, pulling him closer and keeping him there.

More time passes with Donghyuck just laying there, with Mark falling asleep in his arms. Minutes, hours, he doesn’t know—he doesn’t really _care._ All that matters is that he can feel Mark’s heart beating against his, a steady rhythm, and a grounding reminder.

“I love you,” Donghyuck whispers, almost inaudible.

He doesn’t get a reply, but Donghyuck could’ve sworn that he felt Mark’s arms tighten around him just that much more.

* * *

The late morning sun peaks through their windows, and Donghyuck wakes up alone. He shoots up in bed, looking around for any sign of Mark. The room is empty, Mark's old clothes from yesterday discarded haphazardly by the foot of the bed. The dread slowly starts to creep back in, as he thinks about last night, fingers clenching around the sheets.

He wonders if Mark even remembers what he'd said, if he'd woken up in Donghyuck's arms confused and had regretted everything. He wonders if they've just gone back to square one, after all.

Donghyuck moves to get out of bed, to find Mark and to keep his promise, when he hears the door to their bathroom open. Mark steps out, freshly showered, and he can't help but notice that he's wearing one of Donghyuck's old university sweaters. Mark's signature wire-rimmed frames are sitting on his face, the eyes behind them blinking up at Donghyuck in surprise before he hastily looks away.

They both pause, an awkward silence filling the room. Donghyuck is still seated on the bed, and neither of them makes any move to close the distance between them.

"Mark—"

"Hyuck—"

That makes them both stop. Mark fidgets by the bathroom door, shifting from foot to foot, still avoiding Donghyuck's gaze.

"Thanks," he says, voice still a little raspy. "For the aspirin, I mean."

Donghyuck's eyes widen at the acknowledgement. "Yeah, of course," he replies. And then, more hesitantly, "How are you feeling?"

Mark drags his hand through his damp hair, ruffling it up even more. He huffs out a breath, and finally meets Donghyuck's gaze. Mark smiles then, a small, shy quirk of the mouth.

"Honestly? Not great."

Donghyuck can't help but snort, his own wry smile in place. "I figured."

He gets up, moving towards Mark, his steps more confident than he feels. He takes the towel around Mark's neck and drapes it over his head, obscuring his view of Mark's face. Donghyuck dries his hair gently, wordlessly—an echo of their old morning routine.

"Hyuck," Mark eventually says, voice quiet. "About what you said last night," he trails off and Donghyuck's breath hitches, his hands pausing in their motions.

He remembers, then.

Mark raises his head, towel falling back onto his shoulders then tumbling to the floor. "Can we talk? Please?"

Donghyuck swallows. "Yeah, of course," he says, looking up into Mark's eyes. "Whatever you want."

Mark nods and takes one of his hands, pulling him back into bed. He sits back against the headboard, tugging Donghyuck down to lie on his chest. They can't see each other's faces from this position, and Donghyuck thinks it may be for the best.

There's a heavy pause that settles between them, as they try and figure out where to start. Mark shifts to get comfortable, hand coming up to run his fingers through Donghyuck's hair distractedly. Eyes fluttering at the familiar action, Donghyuck can hear how fast Mark's heart is beating in his chest.

"These past few weeks have sucked," Mark begins, his tone almost hilariously petulant. "Seriously."

That startles a wet laugh out of Donghyuck. It wasn't what he was expecting, but it's just so _Mark_ that he's almost kind of missed it. "Yeah, it really has," he agrees.

"I really have missed you though, Donghyuck. I mean it. And I'm sorry about how things played out," Mark says. "We've both... we've both kind of been acting like children, haven't we?"

Donghyuck nods against him. "I've been such a dick, I'm sorry for shutting you out like that. I should've just talked to you properly before everything blew up the way it did."

"And I should've listened. I haven't been that fair to you either, about a lot of things, and for that, I'm sorry too."

Donghyuck starts to shake his head, ready to absolve Mark of whatever wrongdoings he thinks he might've done, but Mark stops him by tipping his head up to look at him. Mark's eyes are piercing in its clarity, the beginnings of a frown marring his face.

"I'm serious, Donghyuck. It was wrong of me to have just expected you to want to marry me, when I've known from the beginning that you weren’t comfortable with it. It wasn't fair of me to expect you to change your mind, just because we've been together for this long."

Mark leans down, planting a soft kiss onto Donghyuck's forehead. "I hope you can forgive me," he whispers, and Donghyuck's heart clenches painfully in his chest.

Donghyuck shakes his head again. "There's really nothing to forgive, Mark."

He sits up a bit, turning to face Mark properly. "I love you, you have to know that," he says, an edge of desperation creeping back into his voice. "And I've been selfish. I've just been such a goddamn _coward,_ just running away instead of talking to you, but I just can't risk—"

Donghyuck stops abruptly, leaning forward to rest his head back down against Mark's chest, hands clutching onto Mark's sweater. The words are stuck in his throat, frustration quickly building within himself at his inability to let it out.

A soothing hand rubs against his back, and Mark's voice cuts through the noise inside Donghyuck's head.

"Hyuck, it's okay. I'm listening," Mark's tone is endlessly patient. "You can't risk what?"

Donghyuck shuts his eyes. "I don't want to risk _this._ Us," his voice is shaking. "I _can't_ risk losing us."

Mark is silent, arms wound tightly around Donghyuck's slightly trembling form.

"Donghyuck."

He looks back up, and Mark's expression is serious.

"You won't," he says, simply. "We're not going to lose this. I can promise you that."

"But—"

"No buts," Mark interrupts with a shake of his head. "I love you, Donghyuck. Married or not, in any way you'll have me, I want to be with you." And then, in a softer voice, "I don't want to lose you either. Not to anything, if I can help it."

Donghyuck closes his eyes again, shielding himself against the blinding sincerity of the promise reflected in Mark's face.

He remembers then, the exact words that his brother had told him all those nights ago.

 _"Mark would probably do anything to keep you by his side, even if it means denying himself of the one thing he wants the most,"_ Doyoung had said.

So he talks.

He tells Mark about everything he’d discussed with Doyoung. His mom, his dad’s wedding, the bitterness that lingered for long after the dust had settled around their family. He tells him about how he’s scared—of the strain that being married could bring to their relationship, of the change that comes with it. 

Donghyuck confesses to the fear of marriage making them complacent with each other, a crutch that could lead to so much resentment, if it all goes wrong. Most importantly, he tells Mark about how he’s scared that he’s making him wait for something that might not happen, that Mark would grow tired of waiting for him and would realize that Donghyuck isn’t worth it. 

Mark listens to him intently, never interrupting him or doing anything other than rubbing down Donghyuck’s back for support. He knows Mark probably has a lot to say about this, but he stays quiet, lets Donghyuck go on until he’s done and his voice is hoarse.

And it’s only _then_ that Mark pulls him up, leaning his head down to capture Donghyuck's lips in a kiss that spoke more than any words could ever say. Mark doesn’t let him go, not for a while, and they just lay there, Mark whispering loving reassurances between kisses until the tremors wracking down Donghyuck’s body come to a stop. 

Donghyuck takes a final shuddering breath against him, leaning back just enough to reverently whisper, "I love you." _More than you could ever know._

And despite the guilt, despite all the remaining uncertainties and doubts, he's never meant it more than he did in that one moment.

* * *

The months leading up to Doyoung's wedding pass by in a flash, a sense of normalcy returning after their morning full of apologies. They had talked some more after that first morning, and things between them had slowly started to return to how they were before.

Which brings them to now, on the morning of his brother’s wedding. Mark’s still in the bathroom getting ready, but Donghyuck is already dressed up, nervously going over his cue cards for his best man’s speech. 

“I can’t do this,” Donghyuck groans out. “Why did I let you talk me into this? Is it too late to just not show up?”

Mark peeks out of the bathroom, tie undone and hair only half styled. He’s got an unimpressed look on his face, but Donghyuck can tell he’s trying not to laugh. “Ha ha, Hyuck. Very funny.” 

He gives up then, tosses his notes to the side of the bed. “It was worth a shot.” 

Donghyuck gets up to join Mark in the bathroom, squeezing in between him and the sink. He reaches out to do his tie for him, just as Mark finishes doing his hair. He tightens the knot before tugging Mark down, feeling him smile into the kiss. 

Mark’s arms slide around his waist, hitching him up onto the counter, careful not to rumple up his suit. Donghyuck lets out a gasp at the sudden motion, hands coming up to Mark’s shoulders to balance himself. 

He’s just about to tell the other off for jeopardizing all of his hard work when Mark dives back in to shut him up, lips crashing together almost painfully. Laying a hand on Mark’s jaw, Donghyuck opens up for him with a soft sigh. Mark slows down, kissing him languidly instead, one of his hands coming to rest on Donghyuck’s lower back. 

Eventually, Donghyuck leans back to breathe, chest heaving. “You aren’t supposed to mess with the goods _before_ we even leave the house, you goof.” 

Mark grins and presses one last kiss to his cheek. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Not when you look like this.” 

“Well,” Donghyuck teases. “If it riles you up this much, I guess that just means I should dress up for more weddings, huh?” 

He feels Mark stiffen under him at that, grin fading, and Donghyuck quickly realizes his mistake. 

“Sorry… too far?”

Mark shakes his head. “No, no, it’s fine,” he says, bringing one of Donghyuck’s hands up to kiss at his knuckles. “Just caught me off guard, is all.” 

Donghyuck pulls him in for one last proper kiss, and hops off of the counter. He straightens his jacket back up, checking the mirror to make sure Mark didn’t mess up his hair, and that he looked decently presentable. 

“Come on, we should get going,” Donghyuck says, turning to Mark with a sharp grin. “We’re probably late enough as it is.”

* * *

The venue was about an hour’s drive away, an old estate tucked away just outside the outskirts of the city’s downtown core. Mark is uncharacteristically quiet throughout the ride, eyes focused on the road but his mind is obviously elsewhere. Donghyuck is quick to notice, periodically shooting Mark concerned glances from the corner of his eye. 

“Are you okay?” Donghyuck quietly asks, reaching out to lay a palm on Mark’s thigh. 

Mark turns his head to look at him, meeting his eyes before turning back to the road. He gives Donghyuck a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Something’s off with you. You’re acting all weird,” Donghyuck accuses, eyes narrowed in concern. “Are you sure you’re okay with… all of this? The wedding?” _Me?_ “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, you know, after everything that’s happened.”

Mark spares him another glance. Donghyuck can’t quite read the expression on his face, but Mark shrugs it off. “I’m fine. Really, Hyuck, you don’t have to worry about it.”

He knows Donghyuck doesn’t believe him, not completely anyway. But Donghyuck knows better than to push, especially not during an event like today, so he mercifully backs off. 

“Well… if you’re sure,” Donghyuck says, watching as Mark’s shoulders drop a little in relief. “But you’ll tell me if something’s wrong, right?”

“... Yeah,” Mark nods. “Of course.”

With a final squeeze to his thigh, Donghyuck retracts his hand. He doesn’t bring it up again for the rest of the ride there. 

When they arrive at the venue, it’s a couple hours before the ceremony is supposed to start. Donghyuck is immediately whisked away by Doyoung’s wedding planner, while Mark goes off to greet Taeyong on the other side of the building. 

Doyoung is half-dressed when Donghyuck enters the room, just in his undershirt and pants, and he’s running a hole into the floor with how much he’s pacing around the room. The rest of Doyoung’s groomsmen are nowhere to be seen, probably sent off for some last minute errands by the aforementioned groom himself.

“Uh, hyung?” Donghyuck calls out to him. “Are you… good?”

Doyoung whips his head up at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice. “Hyuck, you’re here! Okay, okay, good, yeah. I think that’s everyone then—” He abruptly stops, sitting down on one of the ottomans by the vanity. Donghyuck watches as Doyoung drops his head into his hands, fingers raking through his carefully styled hair. 

_He looks like he’s about to bolt. Or have a breakdown. Maybe both._ Donghyuck can’t help the fond smile that grows on his face as he comes up to his brother, prying his hands away from his hair before he messes it up even further. Doyoung welcomes the contact, holding both of Donghyuck’s hands in a tight grip. 

His hands are ice cold, Donghyuck notices.

“Donghyuck, what if he says no?” Doyoung whispers, and Donghyuck has to strain to hear his voice. “What if he’s changed his mind after all, and says no?”

Donghyuck looks at him like he just said the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. 

So that’s exactly what he says. “Hyung, that is literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” 

Doyoung looks up at him, face pinched in both offense and confusion. “What?”

“I mean, it’s Taeyong hyung? I’ve been rooting for the two of you since before I could even remember,” Donghyuck says, almost chastising in his tone. “And I’ve _seen_ you two together, hyung. I’ve never seen either of you happier than when you’re next to each other.” 

Doyoung shakes his head. “But what if you were right? That day in the restaurant? What if it hasn’t been long enough and we’re just rushing into things—” 

He crouches down in front of Doyoung, so that their eyes are level with each other. “No, hyung. _I_ was the one that was wrong. I see that now. When you find someone as special to you as he is, you don’t just give them up.” An image of Mark flashes briefly in his mind, and Donghyuck’s gaze towards his brother turns pleading. “You were the one who taught me that, remember?”

Doyoung looks at him, a curious expression on his face. He studies Donghyuck’s eyes, and a few beats pass before he blinks rapidly, as if realizing something. Doyoung laughs then, an unexpected sound that startles Donghyuck, before he gives his younger brother a small, defeated smile. 

“It looks like I got through to you, after all, huh?” Doyoung says, squeezing Donghyuck’s hands in his. “Geez, when did you grow up to be so wise?”

Donghyuck chuckles, shaking his own head in exasperation, and moves to stand back up. “Well, what can I say? I had some help.”

He spends the rest of the time helping Doyoung get ready. Eventually, there’s a short knock on the door, both their heads turning to see one of the venue’s staff peek into the room. She lets them know that most of the guests have already arrived and that the ceremony will be commencing on time, just as they’d planned. 

Doyoung, now in all his picture-perfect glory, gets up from his seat. He does the final buttons on his suit jacket, and gives himself one final look at the mirror, before turning towards Donghyuck. He’s still nervous, Donghyuck can tell, but underneath it all, there’s nothing but pure, heartfelt _excitement._

“Well, I guess this is it. Wish me luck.” 

* * *

The ceremony itself is a beautiful affair. The procession goes smoothly, and as Donghyuck walks down the aisle with Taeyong’s own best man, he spots Mark near the front of the audience, smiling back at him. He can feel Mark’s gaze gravitate towards him throughout the entirety of the proceedings, and before he knows it, it’s already time for the vows. 

Donghyuck watches as Doyoung takes out the cards from his pocket with trembling hands. He fumbles with them for a bit, Taeyong giggling at him alongside the rest of the audience, but when he speaks, his voice is steady.

“As I stand here today to pledge my love for you,” Doyoung begins, gazing directly into Taeyong’s eyes. “I find myself wondering what my life would have been like had our paths never crossed.”

Donghyuck stands off to the side, listening to his brother’s vows, watching as Doyoung’s eyes start to shine with unshed tears. The entire room is transfixed, hanging off of his every word. 

“I don’t really have an answer to that question, but I do know that my life has been so much better with you in it. I’ve known you for almost my entire life, Taeyong, and I know now that I would never be able to imagine a future without you in it.”

And before he could help it, Donghyuck finds himself thinking about Mark. His smile, his laugh—the way his kisses feel like home. He thinks about the first time they met, Mark looking up at him in awe from behind the grand piano as he sang his heart out during auditions. 

“Even back when we were kids—and I’d sworn up and down to anyone that listened that I’d hated you—I’d always considered you as one of my best friends. And I can’t tell you how _lucky_ I am, truly, that to this day, I can still call you my best friend.” 

Donghyuck thinks about the years before they started dating. All of the petty fights, and the tearful apologies. All of the late nights spent worrying about the future, their hopes and dreams whispered under a blanket of stars. 

Mark, his best friend. Past, present, and future.

“From the moment I found you again, all those years later, I knew that I was never going to be able to let you go.” 

He thinks about their first date. The first time Mark had ever kissed him, and his nervous little squeak at the first time Donghyuck had kissed _him_ instead. 

Donghyuck thinks about the first time that Mark had told him that he loved him. It was during a fight, he remembers, that Mark had blurted it out accidentally. He remembers Mark’s stunned face, and their kiss after Donghyuck had said it back. 

He thinks about the first time they made love to each other. 

“You were it for me, whether I knew it then or not. Somehow, I knew that no one would ever be able to compare. To your kindness, to how much love you had to give.” Doyoung laughs wetly, Taeyong’s hand coming up to wipe his tears away. “You didn’t really give me a choice.”

Their first day in their new apartment together. The way that Mark picked him up and peppered him with kisses after he got into his grad program. Late nights dancing in the kitchen, Mark’s expression as he watches him sing.

He thinks about the small gestures that never fail to make Donghyuck’s heart beat a little faster—Mark staying up with him at 3 in the morning as he writes his reports, quietly strumming on his guitar next to him. The whispered reminders to rest pressed against his temple. The little sticky notes scattered across their apartment, always tagged with one of Mark’s endearing smiley faces.

“I promise to love you, with all that I am. I promise to choose _you_ every day as my husband, to choose us, to do what I can to make you happy. I promise to love you even when it isn’t easy to.” 

Donghyuck’s vision is blurry, his hands starting to shake by his side. He can’t stop himself from looking out into the crowd, searching for where he knows Mark is standing. 

Mark is looking at him. Has never _stopped_ looking at him.

“I promise to build a life with you, through all of the good days, and the bad. I promise to never take your love for granted, for it is a privilege I am grateful to have been blessed with.”

Mark’s smiling up at him, but there’s also something else that Donghyuck can’t quite place. 

“I promise to love you the most.”

Donghyuck remembers the promises Mark had given him, on that tearful morning, so many weeks ago. The unwavering sincerity in which Mark had said them, leaving him breathless. He thinks about all the sacrifices that Mark has made for him—that he _would_ make for him—and Donghyuck feels something inside him start to shift. 

“I choose you, above anything else, for all of our yesterdays, todays, and tomorrows. I promise you, my love, my forever.” 

Donghyuck sees as Mark looks down to wipe at his eyes. And when he looks back up, his smile is sad, and Donghyuck’s heart starts pounding in his chest. Mark shakes his head then, and he almost misses it when Mark’s mouth moves to form around a single word. 

_‘Sorry.’_

Donghyuck’s brows furrow in confusion. He blinks away his tears, trying to figure out what Mark could possibly be apologizing for, but his attention is swept back up by the rest of the ceremony. They go through Taeyong’s vows, and he won’t admit to it after the fact, but Donghyuck tears up a little more when Taeyong pulls Doyoung in for their first kiss as a newly wedded couple. 

The rest of the ceremony passes by in a blur, Donghyuck trying to look for Mark as the audience bursts into applause and as they go through the recessional. He cranes his head, looking around for any sign of his boyfriend as the guests file out to move into the space for the reception. 

He can’t find him. 

He gets stalled by the guests, old family and acquaintances stopping him to chat and ask how he’s doing. Donghyuck tries to be polite, tries to feign attention, but his mind’s only on Mark, and the nagging feeling in his chest that grows with every passing second. 

When he gets a chance, Donghyuck rushes out into the foyer, where he sees his brother and Taeyong taking photos with some of the other guests. Doyoung sees him and waves him over, a blinding smile plastered on his face. 

“Ah, Donghyuck! Over here, let’s take a group photo—”

“Hyung, have you seen Mark?” Donghyuck interrupts, expression troubled. “I can’t find him anywhere and he isn’t answering his phone—”

“Whoa, wait, Hyuck, is something wrong?” Taeyong asks, concern painted all over his face. “What’s happened with Mark?”

Donghyuck bites his lip. “I don’t know. He was acting kind of weird during the ceremony but… I don’t know.” 

Doyoung looks at him, sees the distress along the lines of Donghyuck’s shoulders. He may not know what’s going on through Mark’s head right now, but one thing is clear. “Go look for him, Donghyuck.” 

Donghyuck whips his head up, eyes wide. “But what about the reception? And my speech—” 

“That’s not important right now,” Doyoung shakes his head. “If you think something’s wrong, you have to go find him.” He clasps a hand onto Donghyuck’s shoulder in reassurance. “Besides, we’re already married. We can take it from here.” 

Taeyong’s smile next to him is encouraging. “Trust your gut, Hyuck. Go after him.”

Donghyuck nods, eternally grateful for how understanding the two of them are. But he hesitates, unsure of where to start. Mark was the one who drove them both here, and if he’s gone that means— 

“Donghyuck.”

He turns around, and Johnny’s there. He’d almost forgotten that he was one of the guests, but he should’ve figured that most of the crew from the studio would be around. Johnny walks over to them, a slightly guilty expression on his face, and Donghyuck’s stomach drops at the sight.

“He wanted me to give you these.” Johnny reaches into his breast pocket, taking out a set of keys that Donghyuck realizes are for their car. “He gave them to me right after the ceremony. He, uh, said he was sorry he couldn’t stay.”

“Did he say where he went?”

Johnny shakes his head sadly. “No, he didn’t.”

Donghyuck lets out a shaky exhale, grabbing the keys from Johnny’s outstretched hand. _Goddamn it, Mark, where did you go?_

“It’s fine, hyung. Thanks for letting me know,” Donghyuck says. He turns to Doyoung and Taeyong, mouth twisting in an apologetic frown. “And thanks, hyung. Congrats to you both again on the wedding. It really was a beautiful ceremony.”

Donghyuck turns to leave, thoughts racing on where Mark could have possibly gone at a time like this. He couldn’t have gotten far, even if he did take a cab out of here. He thinks he may have gone home, maybe he wasn’t feeling well or— 

_‘Sorry,’_ Mark had mouthed to him.

He pauses, thinking back to the month where Mark had done his best to avoid him. Mark’s safe place, away from Donghyuck, where he can just _think—_

Donghyuck turns back around in a rush. “Johnny hyung!”

Johnny sees Donghyuck jog back to him, sees the desperate look in his eyes. “Hyung, please tell me you have your keys to the studio on you,” Donghyuck pleads. 

Realization flashes through Johnny’s eyes as he nods, already fishing for his card key and handing it over without a second thought. “Do you really think that’s where he went?”

Donghyuck isn’t completely sure, but something tells him that this is _right._ This is Mark, and for all of his quirks and idiosyncrasies, there’s no one on this earth that knows him better than Donghyuck does. 

So he nods. “It has to be.” 

* * *

Donghyuck drives down to the studio, white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel as he speeds down the highway. He’s worried, just wants to make sure that Mark’s okay, but a part of his mind is also in overdrive—from the wedding, the rollercoaster of emotions that went through him as he listened to his brother’s vows, all the way to the all-encompassing need to just tell Mark that he _loves him._

He has no idea what he’ll say to Mark when he finds him, not even as he goes up the elevator to the studio. Most of the lights are off, but Donghyuck can hear a faint hum of soft music from outside the main room. He peeks into the window panel on the door, relief flooding him at the sight of Mark sitting there, still in his suit from earlier. 

Donghyuck’s heart aches as he takes in Mark’s dark silhouette. He’s leaning back in his chair, his palms are raised to cover his eyes, unmoving. He watches as Mark takes in a deep breath before leaning forward, running his fingers through his mussed up hair. He goes to press something on the console, and Donghyuck hears the music start over from the beginning.

He doesn’t bother knocking. Using Johnny’s key to let him inside, Donghyuck slips through the door and reaches over for the light switch. Mark immediately jumps at the sudden brightness that floods the room, freezing when he notices Donghyuck’s presence by the door. 

Wordlessly, Donghyuck makes his way over to Mark, who seems rooted in his seat. He looks like he’s seeing a ghost, red-rimmed eyes blinking up at Donghyuck’s approaching form. 

Mark’s been crying.

“Hyuck? W-why are you here? What about the reception—” 

“You _dumbass,”_ Donghyuck’s voice cracks. “You had me worried sick.”

Mark looks down, avoiding Donghyuck’s gaze, properly admonished. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I… I couldn’t stay.” 

“Why?” Donghyuck asks. “Mark, _please,_ tell me what’s wrong.”

Mark still isn’t looking at him, and the silence between them grows as Mark doesn’t answer him. Donghyuck crouches down in front of him, forcing Mark to look at him in the eyes. His heart crumbling at the sight of a few errant tears, one of Donghyuck’s hands reaches out to cradle his face.

“Baby, please, talk to me.” 

“I’m sorry, Hyuck, I just couldn’t—not after seeing you up there—” Mark manages to rasp out, his eyes shuttering closed. “All I could think of was you.” 

“What?” Donghyuck’s heart picks up at the implication. 

“Throughout the entirety of their vows, all I could think about was what I would say to you if we were the ones up there instead,” Mark whispers, voice weak. “All I could think about was marrying _you.”_

He looks at Mark in front of him, and it’s like he’s seeing things clearly for the first time. 

_So this is what it feels like._

Donghyuck thinks back to every single word that resonated within him during his brother’s vows, to every memory that came with it. He feels like he could cry, but he holds it together. Not now, not before he tells Mark everything he needed to hear. 

“Mark, listen to me,” Donghyuck’s voice is serious, and Mark looks up at him, his expression heartbreakingly open. “Do you trust me?” 

Mark looks confused, but he nods regardless. “Of course.”

“Then you have to trust me _—believe me—_ when I say that I was thinking the exact same thing.”

He hears Mark’s breath hitch. Donghyuck moves to take both of Mark’s hands in his, shifting from his crouch down onto one knee. 

“Hyuck, _no—”_ Mark protests, eyes wide in disbelief. “I don’t want you to do this just because of me—” 

Donghyuck shushes him with a shake of his head. His voice is small, when he starts, “I’m still scared. I’m absolutely fucking _terrified.”_ His thumbs brush across Mark’s knuckles. Their hands are shaking, but he can’t tell if it’s because of him or because of Mark. 

“But don’t you see? There’s no one I’d rather be scared with than you.” A few of his own tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away. “I want to make you happy, as happy as you make me _every single day_ that we’re together. For the rest of our lives, if you’ll let me.” 

Donghyuck smiles then, a small, watery thing. “I don’t have a ring, or a big speech, or anything like that. But you’ve already proven over and over again, just how far you would go for me. So please, Mark, I’m begging you to let me do this _one_ thing for you.” 

Donghyuck chokes back a sob. “I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. That’s why I’m asking you to please, _please,_ marry me."

Mark is shocked still, staring at Donghyuck with an unreadable expression on his face. A few beats pass, Donghyuck still kneeling on the floor in front of him, and Mark continues to say nothing. 

Donghyuck closes his eyes, can’t bear to look directly at him anymore. “Please say something.” _Please tell me that I didn’t just fuck everything up for good._

He feels Mark’s hands tug him up to stand, and so he does, Mark pulling away once he’s up. Donghyuck watches, heart still beating frantically in his chest, as Mark moves to one of the desks in the corner of the room. 

“Mark?”

He watches as Mark pulls open one of the drawers, pulling out a small, velvet box. Donghyuck’s heart leaps into his throat. 

When Mark speaks, his voice is low. He walks back towards Donghyuck, box clutched in one hand while he takes Donghyuck’s left hand in another. 

“I bought this for you a couple years ago, you know. Back when the studio first hired me for full time.” Mark’s eyes are still a little glassy, but he has a crooked grin on his face and god, Donghyuck _loves him._ “I never thought that I’d actually be able to give it to you one day.” 

Mark opens up the box to reveal a ring, _Donghyuck’s_ ring. A small, white-gold band, with a single diamond carved into the center. Donghyuck thinks it’s absolutely gorgeous. 

Mark takes Donghyuck’s left hand and brings it up to press a delicate kiss onto the knuckle of his ring finger. 

“Donghyuck, I know you’re not ready to get married.” 

He opens his mouth to protest but Mark stops him, a fond smile on his face. “We don’t have to have the wedding any time soon. I meant what I said about waiting for you for as long as you needed.” 

Mark takes the ring out of the box, setting the box down as he reaches for Donghyuck’s hand again. He slips the ring onto his finger, bringing his hand up once more—but this time, Mark kisses the ring itself. 

“But Donghyuck, there’s never going to be any doubt in my mind that it’s _you._ So, yes. For whenever you’re ready,” Mark whispers, pulling him in close with an arm around his waist and capturing his lips in a tender kiss. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” 

Donghyuck sobs out a laugh in relief, arms circling around Mark’s shoulders to playfully punch him in the back. “You fucking _asshole,_ I thought you were about to reject me.” 

Mark starts to giggle at that, his arm around Donghyuck tightening as he kisses his temple in apology. 

“Me? Reject you?” Mark laughs. “Never.”

They stay like that for a while, just in each other’s embrace. Mark starts to sway them side to side, a slow rhythm to the soft piano that Donghyuck realizes is still playing overhead. 

Eventually, Mark leans up to whisper in his ear, his voice making Donghyuck shiver. “Wanna know something else?” 

“Hm?”

“Do you know what this song is, Donghyuck?” 

He pays closer attention to the notes, tries to see if it’s a melody he recognizes, but he comes up short. Donghyuck leans his head down on Mark’s shoulder as they dance, shaking his head at the question. 

“I wrote this one for you too, you know.” 

Donghyuck blinks up at him. “You did?”

Mark hums. “Well, not so much for you, as much as it was meant for us.”

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck asks. 

Mark says nothing in reply, leaning down to capture his lips in another kiss. This one longer, with much more intent. Donghyuck melts against him—he still can’t believe it. He’s _engaged._ But he’s happy. Truly, genuinely, happy.

Mark pulls back then, and his smile is precious. “I wrote this around the time I bought the ring.” His voice lowers to a whisper, almost shy. “It was supposed to be for our first dance.” 

Donghyuck could only stare at him incredulously. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? You absolute _sap.”_

Mark only laughs again, burying his face into the crook of Donghyuck’s neck. His ears are red from embarrassment and Donghyuck is so, so helpless. 

“Yeah, well, I’m a sap that you’re now stuck with for the rest of your life,” Mark mumbles. “So who’s the real loser here?”

“Still you,” Donghyuck answers softly. He couldn’t have sounded any more endeared, even if he tried. “I love you.”

Mark pulls back to smile at him, and Donghyuck knows, right then and there, that he’s never, ever, going to regret this. 

“I love you too, Donghyuck. I always will.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/dhyuckiees) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/dhyuckIees)
> 
> and with that, my first ever fic is done ;;;; I’d love to know what you guys thought ^^ I do plan on adding an epilogue eventually, about their wedding and the night of, but i might just make it it's own one-shot separate from this :>
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to talk to me on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/dhyuckiees) or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/dhyuckIees)!!


End file.
